Monday, 11 May 2009

Bono's poem to Elvis

Have you read Bono’s tribute to Elvis? Brilliant piece of work. Sadly, it got seriously panned by almost everyone.

A few samples:

“That’s one of the most pretentious, silly, gut-churningly atrocious poems I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading. I can just picture him reading it too, reeking of self-importance. It’s almost as bad as that Beckett pastiche he performed a few years ago, which was also so bad it was unintentional comedy gold.”


“Leather trousered bollocks in daft shades just spouting words that don't actually mean a fucking thing.”

That’s nasty too. But the worst came from Christopher Hart of The Mail Online, who responded to the news with his own poem about Bono:

'Bono in your sunglasses, even when it rains,
Bono in your private jet while the rest of us take trains,
Bono with your tax affairs safely overseas,

Bono, will you fucking shut up, please.'

Actually, for me, except for the first and last lines (and the bits in between) it's great. Here I bring you some of the most impressive excerpts (the whole thing goes on for about 20 minutes). The fact that it’s all written in lower case has lead some commentators to theorise that he wrote it on his mobile phones. But they’re just philistines

elvis son of tupelo.

elvis mama's boy.

elvis the twin brother of Jesse who died at birth and was buried in a shoe box.

elvis drove a truck.

elvis was recorded at sun studios by the musical diviner sam phillips.

elvis was managed by colonel tom parker, an ex-carnie barker whose last act was a singing

elvis lived on his own street.

elvis wore a cape at the white house when he was presenting nixon with two silver pistols.

elvis was a member of the drug squad.

elvis wore eye make up, just hangin' out.

elvis wore a gold nudie suit and trained his lip to curl.

elvis was macho, but could sing like a girl.

Sheer genius, what we’ve all come to expect by now from that posturing phony little bollocks Bono


Anonymous said...

Bono, Bono, Bono..... Yawn,, Is that cunt still spouting bile?

Quartermain said...

What does Lady Savant think of bono?

Vince R said...

And remember, this is from an "Artiste" an "Icon" who idolizes ABBA! Money, money, money, must be funny, in a rich man's world.

SAVANT said...

quartermain - Lady S thinks he's a royal pain in the hole. As I do.

Kilbarry1 said...

You slander poor old Bono. In 2003 he saved Colm O'Gorman's group "One In Four" from extinction. The group started operations in Ireland that February, received a mere 600,000 Eur public funding and thereatened to close down in October unless the Government paid an additional 80,000. (By an irrelevant co-incidence that was O'Gorman's annual salary). Bono saved them by donating 40,000 and so this Group of Victims are still with us.

Incidentally "One in Four" represents the % of Irish people who have been sexually abused as children. God Bless Bono!

Anonymous said...

Well, fair enough about saving one in four. but €40k. ??? about 2 minutes earnings for that prat.

Viking said...

Kilbarry, you forget that Bono also single-handedly saved the entire continent of Africa from starvation and disease.

Anonymous said...

"Well, fair enough about saving one in four."

Kilbarry1 meant this as a peice of sarcasm less than one of praise. Regardless of Bono's many subversive agendas and cheap ploys at publicity, they guy remains a complete twat.