Limerick proudly holds the title of Ireland’s Crime Capital, and wears the appellation Stab City as a badge of pride. (I've written affectionately about that fair city a number of times, for example here.) Why even back in the days when I played rugby the Young Munster grounds were know as The Killing Fields. With good reason. Naturally enough, Limerick folk have over time become acclimatised to the criminals in their midst and take it all in their stride.
You see, a new and terrible master criminal stalks the city streets. Police leave has been cancelled, sirens wail day and night, while ordinary citizens cower in their homes as the fearsome felon remains on the loose. Experts flown in from Dublin pore over CCTV footage in a desperate attempt the identify the villain in time while grim faced officers explore ever possible nook and cranny. ‘We’re taking this very seriously’ claimed Chief Inspector Matt Black, ‘and no resources are being spared in our attempts to apprehend the suspect’.
And what villainy has the ‘suspect’ been up to? Well, those of you with a delicate temperament should read no further. But if you’re made of sterner stuff……well, here it is. He threw a banana onto the pitch while Limerick were playing Manchester City in friendly. Now I know, you can slip on a banana, but all the same…..
Nobody claimed it was aimed at any particular target, and in fact nobody seemed to notice it at all at the time. It came to light only because Gael Clichy tweeted “How sad to see ‘bananas thrown on the pitch’ tonight... Knowing people around the world need food. #nowordsforthis.” Fair enough Gael. But just like this instance and this, the very fact of it’s happening was enough to activate the hive of ‘liberal’ fanatics who tend our moral micro-climate. And now the chase is on.
Stay clear of Limerick until the perp is apprehended and gets his just desserts.