Monday, 21 November 2011

Ghastly Irish miltary tragedy

Ireland this week experienced one of the worst military tragedies in its history. Now before you go all weepy on me, you must understand that Irish military tragedies are not in the league of those suffered by Paulus’ Sixth Army at Stalingrad, or the British cavalry at Balaclava. Still, all this week the streets of Mullingar were thronged by the brave soldiers’ distraught women-folk. There were heart-rending scenes of traumatised children as the horrific realisation dawned that whole families were irretrievably damaged. The drama was captured 24X7 on our TV sets as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse saddled up to stalk the ruined land. Eventually I could take no more, and retired, a broken man, to recuperate in my boudoir.

You want to hear about the tragedy? Are you made of stern stuff? If not, leave right now. Ok, if you’re still with me, here’s the story. They’re closing the army barracks in Mullingar and the soldiers will have to drive 14 miles up the road to the barracks in Longford. Where they were all massacred to a man, in hideous circumstances? No. They’ll just have to drive 14 miles to work instead of toddling up the road as heretofore. That’s what brought the whole mid-west region to a standstill, and the resignation of a Government Minister.

Those of you in the real world must understand that the Irish army possesses some other unique characteristics. One of which is to never, ever, ever be exposed to danger. We go on international ‘peace-keeping’ missions only under the strict proviso that ‘our troops must in no circumstances be put at risk’. Consequently, if and when the shooting starts our heroes are whisked to safety before you can say ‘remind me again why I joined the army’.

Nice work if you can get it. And it pays well. Very well. The rudest most basic private gets by on €36,000 a year, plus a whole host of supplements if he’s on ‘active service’ abroad (see above). Net effect he earns more than twice that of his equivalent British squaddy getting perforated and blown up in Afghanistan (nearly 400 killed to date). Not bad for a bankrupt country, and I’m sure the Germans currently picking up the tab will continue to be very understanding.

And if you don’t like noise, well you’re really in the money. You know, noise that emanates from guns and things like that. Over €600 million has been paid out to wounded veterans who had to endure such loud banging in earlier days. Then there's Victor Murtagh who heard a couple of really loud bangs while he was in Lebanon. I wrote here that with a name like Victor it's probably not surprising that he apparently 'always wanted to be a soldier', presumably attracted by the cut and thrust of battle and the adrenalin rush of taking it to the enemy.

So here's the story. He joins the Irish Army and gets trained in the skills of combat. Gets posted to Lebanon in due course. But then things start to go wrong. Horribly wrong. He heard a 'loud explosion' down the road which frightened the shit out of him. But then he heard that two other soldiers were killed (imagine that, soldiers killed!). The Horror! The Horror! He became very upset. Very upset indeed.So decided to sue the army. And he gets awarded €300k.

You think I’m kidding? Check this.

One downside of these noise-related developments is the impairment of our legendary Army motto, emblazoned on every soldier’s cap: Nos Pueri Non Timent Strepitus ('We’re the boys who fear no noise’).

But on the upside for the transferees, maybe the barracks in Longford is close to a downmarket auto repair shop. Lots of loud bangs there guys. Fortune beckons!

22 comments:

Heraclitus said...

Savant, you write like Jonathan Swift. A masterpiece, sir!

Harvey said...

That's more than an U.S. Army private is paid. That's what? 50,000 in U.S. dollars?

PS: Why does Ireland even need an army? Are they going to be attacked by leprechauns?

Anonymous said...

That is delightfully Swiftian, indeed.

But, when one stops to think, not necessarily a bad thing.

By this token, World War One or the Great War, would have, indeed, been over by November and everyone home for Christmas 1914, as the Brit politicians promised.

WWII would have taken oh, six months and Korea would have been done in weeks.

Imagine all those white people not dead.
... and who do we have to thank?

I may go to Hell, yes, but the lower levels are going to be full, full, full.

UN
.

B Boru said...

@Harvey - we don't need an army. And I should bloody well expect that our soldiers are paid more than yours. Because they're worth it!

Anonymous said...

36€K is £31K and $48 564.

Anonymous said...

Te te te.
Harvey has discovered our cunning plan.
Oops! No he has not! Forget this post.

Anonymous said...

And here I'd had such hopes for a military coup.

Digby said...

Well, that's our tax Euro's at work.

kulak said...

OT

I love my people.

Anonymous said...

BTW, The Occidental Observer ...

http://www.theoccidentalobserver.net/

Seems to have been knocked out -- for now.

This is the third WN site I have visited in the last week that has had this happen.

Be cautious,
UN
.

Anonymous said...

A timely piece indeed Savant and most worthwhile.

While listening to this "controversy" during the week,it struck me that the Irish Army are probably world leaders in one area at least;brilliant public relations.

Why?.Well they have convinced almost an entire Nation(but not all) that the grossly expensive and worthless "work" which they do overseas are absolutely essential,vital and crucial tasks for the smooth running of UN operations.

And whats more,the reason for their massive success in the field is because of their inate Irish decency and likeability.(Any such word?).

Aided and abetted,of course,by RTE who have an addiction to sending over expensive film and radio crews to propagandize and endorse the Armys self proclaimed mission.

Cyprus,Lebanon,Liberia(for fucks sake!),Chad(Jesus Christ Almighty!),yes,our boys will be there.Being nice.

mr.a

Eamon Bejayzuz said...

Eamon Bejayzuz said;
referred to with amused derision as the "Free State Fusiliers" by the British forces in the North (with whom it is delighted to collaborate), Irelands Defence Forces are like any other institution in this state, i.e., absolutely NOT what it says on the tin. ( We have, for instance, a Prime Minister---the functions he carries out are those of an office boy....you think that Aer Lingus is an airline? Reader, it is an operator of aircraft, something profoundly differant. Like everything here, a travesty).
Essentially, the "Defence Forces" (sic) have nothing to do with defence. Either we had a centuries long battle to achieve our recently won freedom, in which case we would have a military determined to never let the country be again invaded, OR even a cursory perusal of the military we do possess will leave no doubt that the whole historical narrative was and is a pack of lies, and simply has to be.
Defence will, as always, be done by Britain; our army, inasmuch as it has any role at all, is a little garrison, a small local British gendarmerie which, note, has only ever fired in anger at its own citizens and that on Britains behalf. This is by way of "coming to the aid of the civil power", which is precisely the role of a security police and emphatically not that of an army.
In a serious country, Switzerland, it is a criminal offence for a Swiss citizen to volunteer for any army anywhere---the solitary exception being the Papal Swiss Guard; in Ireland a citizen could volunteer for the Irish Army, could take the Oath of Loyalty, and yet could subsequently desert, in time of war, sloughing off his sworn Oath like he was wiping shit off his boots and repudiating the country to which he had pledged his word---and be held in high regard for so doing. I am thinking of the Emergency period here. All who served faithfully are now regarded as fools, dupes, cowards.
We have no armed forces here; we have buffoons cavorting in costumes to no imaginable purpose.

brian boru said...

No wonder the British used to constantly tell Irish jokes before the advent of political correctness, and why we were often called the white niggers of Europe. The brief illusion that we were a first world nation with every right to rub shoulders with such powerhouses as Germany, France, Japan, Britain, the US and so on has been swept away. Any close observation of how things work in Ireland would quickly dispel the idea that one was in an advanced industrial nation. When we were poor and homogeneous I suppose it didn't do any harm. But, with our illusions of grandeur and the insanity of allowing hundreds of thousands of blue gum savages and wogs to invade and take up residence, the country has become a disaster zone in the making. We are ill equipped to deal with the financial tsunami rushing towards us and the huge social problems ahead as our sub-human parasites breed like bacteria. 1930s Ireland was a tough place to live for a lot of people, but it will be much tougher for our descendents fifty years or so in the future.

Anonymous said...

British army should have made themselves useful and taken over the country years ago, but they're a waste of space really - wankers in costume.
I wouldn't mind joining the Irish army though, sounds like a doddle.

Franz said...

€36.000 for a private? And he doesn't even share in the risk his British or American counterparts are exposed to? Compared to that all other soldiers are chumps.

Here is my suggestion: Throw out all politicians and replace them with generals and colonels. Make them responsible for Ireland as a whole as opposed to merely their immediate underlings.

They very OBVIOUSLY know how to take care of their own.

Anonymous said...

FOURTEEN FIREFIGHTERS HAVE been suspended from Roscommon Fire Service as the chief fire officer today confirmed he has requested assistance from the Defence Forces as a precautionary measure.

Firefighters are in dispute over a breathing apparatus refresher training course which was due to take place today but which 14 firefighters did not attend leading to their suspension in what Chief Fire Officer Cathal McConn said was an “unprecedented” move.


“These instructors have never worn a breathing apparatus (BA) in a house fire and they’re trying to tell somebody who has been wearing it for years how to do it,” the spokesperson said. ”They’ve never worn it in a real-life situation.”


We established before that the more assistant chief fire officers you hire the less fires you have!

Anonymous said...

You talk about fire fighters. I'm an ordinary part-time fireman. When I started about 20 years ago in my district their was 1 Chief Fire Officer and 2 Assistant Chief Fire Officers. Now there are NINETEEN ACO's. These guys don't do any fire fighting, in case you were wondering.

Anonymous said...

Now there are NINETEEN ACO's. These guys don't do any fire fighting, in case you were wondering.

But they do give great interviews on RTE. When called upon.

tokyo paddy said...

Eamonn, Brian Boru and Franz. More wisdom and common sense in what you say that in a year's reading of the MSM.

Anonymous said...

I went thru Ireland on my way back from Iraq. Nice place, just a night there. Got fucked up, needed it before I got home to face the people that used to know me.
Next stop was Maine, then back to base in TX.
It always bothers me when I hear or read the demeaning comments about soldiers.
Eveyday I thank GOD I dont smell oiley engines, gun powder and the fishy smell of dead bodies.
I love the fact I don't have a CO on my back too. Or being told what to do evey waking moment. I also love to wear clean clothes as well.
But thats just me. Those in the third world, it's normal to live that way around death and filth. Been there done that, in uniform and survived to tell the story.
The last time the Irish fought in war was with the 10th Ohio Inf. and the 5th Confederate.(In the states, where the real Irish live)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SACko0kBunY&feature=related

tokyo paddy said...

anon 12.23. I don't think Savant or anyone else on this thread is being negative about soldiers generally. In Ireland they're a special case, as his post makes abundatnly clear. You'll see we also distinguish between soldiers actually soldiering and those worried about driving afew extra miles to work every day.

Anonymous said...

Its sad really.Under discipline,mostly that of the British army,the Irish were amongst the finest soldiers in the world.

Waterloo,most certainly,was not won on the playing fields of Eton,but in the slums of Cork City and the fields of West Cork.

Barry Lyndon,Stanley Kubricks vastly underrated masterpiece,gives a flavour of this.

And Harvey,no we probably don't need an army,but I'd sooner we WERE attacked by leprechauns than 6' tall giant rabbits.

mr.a