A couple of questions for you.
1: Are you a complete fuckwit at your job?
2: Have you left a trail of devastation in your wake, driving corporations and whole countries to bankruptcy?
If so then you’re indeed a lucky man. Because untold riches and a luxurious trouble-free retirement beckon when your time comes. One of the first of a long line of such luminaries was Richard Burroughs. Having carefully guided Bank of Ireland over the cliff, Dickie, brandishing a massive severance package, and encomiums to his years of ‘service’, immediately landed a plum job as Chairman of BAT (British American Tobacco). If you’ve shares in BAT, sell ‘em now.
The latest is Dermot McCarthy, erstwhile top civil servant, Ireland’s own Sir Humphrey. As one ex-colleague bitterly recounted, McCarthy ‘was the grand architect of everything that went wrong in this country’. Indeed he was. Mind you he wasn’t short of company, and some things he did very well. Like in 2005 when, after a series of tense negotiations with himself, he awarded himself and his fellow mandarins an eye-watering 25% pay increase for that one year alone.
And a very special retirement deal as well, which means that he walks out, at the ripe old age of 57, with a severance package of €700,000 and a lifetime index-linked pension of €150,000. Not bad, huh? And the rest of the nation-wreckers have received, and will continue to receive, similar ‘compensation’ packages’. A deeply religious and charitable man, nicknamed The Cardinal, he undoubtedly subscribes to the old aphorism that charity begins at home. And maybe ends there as well, who knows?
As the Lone Ranger would say to Tonto, before riding off into the sunset having cleaned up another town ‘our work here is done’. In the case of our other heroes, we can only hope that their work is, in fact, done, and that they'll disappear, as rapidly as possible, into the fading sun, clutching their ill-gotten gains.
Incidentally, have you ever wondered, as I have frequently, about the Lone Ranger’s mask? About as effective as a pair of sunglasses. Whatever about his other qualities, he was no master of disguise.