Friday, 20 August 2010

A new play: Dining In Oakland

The previous post has attracted a lot of attention and brought a lot of entertainment to a lot of readers. Inspired by this I now bring you a full length vid (well, 10 minutes) of a truly dramatic event in Oakland CA. This has been captured on camera by a budding Steven Spielberg and plays out with the dramatic intensity of a Shakespearian tragedy.

I've acquired the services of a specialist to explain the plot as the dialogue is almost totally in Ebonics.


Dramatis personae

Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady

Blue Dress Pregnant Lady

Surly Grey Shirt Gentleman

White Heavy Metal Chick

Phantom Lady

Motorcycle Cop

Bull Terrier


Plot outline:

It appears Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady and Blue Dress Pregnant Lady initiated the attack first on the Other Pantsless Lady for doing something that was untoward. Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady then continues to goad Other Pantsless Lady who now has found comfort in minivan of her friends, but does not appreciate still being provoked after fact.
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Then, One Surly Gentleman In Gray Shirt accompanying Other Pantsless Lady and White Heavy Metalishchick begins to intervene and tells Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady that she should stop talking or he will have to become physical because that's the way things are settled in Burger King parking lots in Oakland, regardless if she's pregnant or not.

Alas, Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady goes into Burger King to accumulate weaponry in the form of a plastic baby seat. She then spits at the minivan (an assault!) which infuriates White Heavy Metalishchick who goes all berserko gorilla on Pantless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady. Other Pantsless Lady then begins kidney-punch assault as White Heavy Metalishchick continues berserko gorilla attack.

Then Surly Gentleman In Gray Shirt comes in, separates the women, and begins to land thunderous blows to Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady. (The documentarian of this film interjects that the Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady should have known this was coming because she was in a Burger King parking lot in Oakland saying not-so-nice things about Oakland, which apparently results in a triple-team beatdown. Duly noted.)

But Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady, full of moxie and pride, continues to bait the minivan even though her face has now sprouted baked potato-sized lumps and a bloody lip. She hurls plastic baby seat at minivan as it drives off.

This catches the attention of an Lady Dressed Like The Phantom (remember him?) who explains to the Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady that her mother should become physical with her because she is impolite or something. As we know, Pantless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady does not take kindly to these insults so she gives it right back to Lady Dressed Like The Phantom.

Bad move, as we come to find out that Lady Dressed Like The Phantom is still spry and also has a short fuse, despite her accelerated age. Plus she's wielding a water bottle which, in Oakland, doubles as a bludgeoning device. Lady Dressed Like A Phantom storms into Burger King after Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady. Blue Dress Pregnant Lady has seen enough, though, and does not intervene.

This fight dies down quickly because the documentarian is now drawn back outside because a motorcycle cop was just almost run over by a car. Said documentarian reacts to this incident like a tornado chaser spotting an F5 over an empty field in North Dakota. He stops filming, but I assume America continued to eat itself in East Oakland that sultry afternoon.

On the subject of safety, the young gentleman in the gray shirt should take care to not recklessly batter young ladies about the head. Highly processed hair, and weaves, are incredibly abrasive and replete with toxins. He easily could have cut his hand putting himself at risk for a nasty, painful, and completely unnecessary infection (note that the young ladies prudently directed their blows toward the swollen abdomen - well done).

View and enjoy here.

31 comments:

proud redneck said...

Surreal! Oakland will be the next city to go bankrupt. Can't wait.

Anonymous said...

Oakland IS ALREADY bankrupt.

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes. America's feral Negroes. There truly is not a more despicable element of society. Why is official American policy to support and sustain these types to multiply? Shouldn't official policy be, in fact, to eradicate this kind of element from society for the common good?

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! Savant you are so funny. I love this sentence: "But Pantsless Pink Tights Pregnant Lady, full of moxie and pride" ROFL!!!

foxy lady said...

anon 00.11 - AMEN TO THAT!

Anonymous said...

What I can't understand is what the good looking well-groomed white chick is doing in the middle of that lot of savages.

kulak said...

Shouldn't official policy be, in fact, to eradicate this kind of element from society for the common good?

Look -- we don't kill cougars or bears any more, and the coyotes are eating our cats and dogs. And they don't even shoot back!

Been a long, long time since any of us kilt us a b'ar when we was only three.

The closest we've gotten in ages is Ted Nugent.

Anonymous said...

As the negroes say, the pink-panted crackhouse booty got game.

Anonymous said...

"What I can't understand is what the good looking well-groomed white chick is doing in the middle of that lot of savages."

Obvious, she's got Jungle Fever.

Anonymous said...

That white chick probably has a crack dealer lover.

Anonymous said...

white heavy metal chick is a druggy. look at the needle marks on her right arm (about 1.48).

Anonymous said...

Oakland. Good place for a holiday? What are the car rental rates like there

Anonymous said...

Oakland, wasn't that the place where a few blocks were burned after they lost the Superbowl?
The CA stands for California not Canada and you did not win the Stanley Cup!

Anonymous said...

"Dining in Oakland, dramatis personae..." Your wit is excellent, Savant.
I am learning from you how to view the disintegration of American society with sardonic humor. The only other option is to let it all get under my skin and adversely affect my health. What kills me, more than anything, however, is knowing that these savages are being fed, sustained, and proliferating with MY money.

Anonymous said...

oakland . home of JACK LONDON is no more, feral niggers all over the place, this is a case of NIGGERS GONE WILD,

Anonymous said...

I read Jack London's biography, he's not exactly Roddy Doyle. Jack was disgusted with world war one and a lot of other things. White writers these days are neutered lapdogs in comaparison.

Michael said...

Is there a specific reason these things insist on running around half naked? Just watching that vid put a serious damper on my apetite, I certainly didn't feel an urge to rush out and find a burger king.

pissed-off said...

I say again, they're a different species.

Anonymous said...

I owned a business in Oakland on East 86th Ave. from 1974 thru 1986.

Large corporations where located in the vicinity and the mostly black owned homes where prestine.

I recently googled the area which now has trash piled up on the streets. The factories are vacant with broken windows and covered in weeds.

I now live in Southern California and LA is in the same condition.

Welcome to the another third world country.

Anonymous said...

OFF TOPIC SAVANT.does ireland still sell SWEET AFTON SMOKES, LOVED THEM WHEN I WAS THERE YEARS BACK, STILL TRYING TO GET THEM IN CHICAGO AREA.I ALSO RECALL WOODBINES, MADE AMERICAN CAMEL UNFILTERED TASTE LIKE VIRGINIA SLIMS.

Anonymous said...

OFF TOPIC SAVANT.does ireland still sell SWEET AFTON SMOKES, LOVED THEM WHEN I WAS THERE YEARS BACK, STILL TRYING TO GET THEM IN CHICAGO AREA.I ALSO RECALL WOODBINES, MADE AMERICAN CAMEL UNFILTERED TASTE LIKE VIRGINIA SLIMS.

Anonymous said...

All the crackwhores were knocked up with proto-rapists as well. Didn't stop the cameraman (?) trying to hit on the half-chat one - "wanna a new daddy?"

SAVANT said...

Sweet Afton?? That takes me back. No, they've been off the market for a long long time.

Anonymous said...

Ahh man ... I couldn't keep up with the plot, the nuiasances tripped me.

George said...

"Why is official American policy to support and sustain these types to multiply?"

Why? Because the ruling elite is so guilt ridden by past "injustices", that they now feel it better to keep them as pets (albeit untrained and insupervised.)

Zngr said...

I laughed heartily at dear Savant's description of the events.

The gruesome vulgarity of the negroids and slopeheaded whites and latinos in the play however, left me speechless and with an odd, constricting feeling.

It is mixed with an sudden urge to slash open throats and beat in the slobbering, vacant eyed and malign faces of modern "liberal" young adults.

Anonymous said...

I swear, I feel like becoming a Nazi when I see shit like this. These people SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BREED!

Thripshaw said...

Hey Savant, I live in New Joisy (3,000 miles away) and this scene could have been filmed 5 minutes from my house.
America truly is a utopia and the Iraqis and other folks ought to be grateful that we are bombing their backward countries to bring them this paradise!

Anonymous said...

pissed-off said...

I say again, they're a different species.

21 August 2010 23:00

Pissed-off has got it so right.

Albert Schweitzer -- a true humanitarian ... if not an actual saint -- spent all his adult life at his mission hospital at Lambarene looking after and treating blacks -- but he had no delusions about them.

Schweitzer once said words to the effect that to allow blacks too close to you would mean your doom as they would consume you utterly ... body and soul ... leaving nothing.

Needless to say, if Schweitzer were alive today, the peecee righteous would be baying for his blood.

... and Kipling once (famously) referred to them as "Half-devil, half-child."

Equally needless to say, I think you'll find those particular quotes airbrushed from history .,, or they soon will be.

Have a good weekend.

Uncle Nasty

Anonymous said...

Isn't Life weird?

My last post mentioned Albert Schweitzer delivering a well-deserved kicking to the untermenschen, and what do I find?

The original quote:-

"I have given my life to alleviate the sufferings of Africa. There is something that all White men who have lived here like I have must learn and know: that these individuals are a sub-race. They have neither the mental or emotional abilities to equate or share equally with White men in any functions of our civilization. I have given my life to try to bring unto them the advantages which our civilization must offer, but I have become well aware that we must retain this status: White the superior, and they the inferior. For whenever a White man seeks to live among them as their equals, they will destroy and devour him, and they will destroy all his work. And so for any existing relationship or any benefit to this people, let White men, from anywhere in the world, who would come to help Africa, remember that you must maintain this status: you the master and they the inferior, like children whom you would help or teach. Never fraternize with them as equals. Never accept them as your social equals or they will devour you. They will destroy you."

-Dr. Albert Schweitzer

Cheers,

Uncle Nasty

Henry IX said...

Uncle Nasty - whether it's the Stalinist rewriting of history or not I dont know. But it has been argued that this quote cannot be accessed in its original, i.e. that it's been fabricated by racists. In fairness, I've looked for it and have been unable to loocate it. Where did you get this excerpt?