Saturday, 3 January 2009

A plane of your own

Air travel has become such a drag. Have you ever wished for an end to hour-long boarding queues, lack of leg-room, malodorous passengers on either side, pissing your trousers as you wait for an available toilet?

You have? Well rejoice, for a solution has been found. And it has come from an African cultural enricher in Ireland, belying Kevin Myers’ dictum that all we get from the Dark Continent is poverty and disease.

An African providing a solution - as distinct from a problem - was the first of many surprises. This unnamed Ghanaian national was actually caught smuggling drugs into Ireland. That’s the second surprise. Then he actually got jailed – as distinct from being bailed and disappearing into Ireland’s thriving African underworld. The fourth surprise is that he was ordered to be deported, as distinct from appealing to every court in the land (said appeals naturally financed by the taxpayer). And the final surprise, the cops actually held on to him rather than requesting him to appear for deportation at some future date – deportees never show up, leaving the plane on the runway.

Now this enterprising chappie didn’t fancy travelling with a load of law-abiding citizens. And why should he? According to the Irish Times, police ‘tried three times to fly him on commercial flights, but each time the man became so violent he could not be put on the aircraft with other passengers’.

The solution? A plane of his own! Woo hoo! And this being the cash-rich, sorry, bankrupt, Irish Government, we didn’t go for just any plane. Not a Lear Jet or Gulf Stream. No, this beauty got his own Boeing 737! I kid you not.

And the cost? A mere €151,900.

Mind you, that's probably small change in terms of what this beauty would have cost us had he continued to grace us with his presence.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

They could have just put an oxygen mask on him and stuck him in the cargo hold.

Or even perhaps shipped him in a container back to his home land.

Well it is the credit crunch, we all have to start watching our pennies after all.

Tasha said...

i heard about that scam in the UKm where if a deportee throws a violent fit they cant be forced to board the plane.
having read the history of England I cant believe they have become such pansies in their last days

Anonymous said...

I actually checked this out to see if it was one of your take-offs.

Jesus Christ, we really are fucked! As you say, why in hell did they get a 737 for 1 person?

Anonymous said...

Even more depressing news.

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/deportation-challenges-cost-the-state-836412m-in-2008-1591072.html

Check the related links too. Apalling. :(

Anonymous said...

depressing is the word. and fewer than 1 in 5 deporttation orders are actually carried out.

Anonymous said...

I think I have the solution.

A: Round up as many illegal immigrants (sorry ... "refugees") as you can fit into a Herc or C140 and ship them off -- goats, chickens and all -- to their home country.

B: Upon arriving at the destination, kick them all out onto the runway.

C: Repeat as necessary.

Now ... here we have the interesting bit.

Inform them that names and DNA samples have been taken, and for repeat offenders, that steps "A" and "B" above, will be repeated,

... but from 30 000 feet.

Uncle Nasty

Viking said...

great idea Nasty!

the sight of more and more deportees turning up back in Nigeria will deter those from borrowing huge sums of money to travel to Ireland in the first place. why is Ireland only sending a small number of them??