Ok, I know this post is something of an indulgence, undergoing as we are societal collapse (or more accurately destruction). But it just gets so frustrating. What does? The staggering number and range of toiletries in our shower. If things ever get bad Lady Savant could surely open up a 50,000 sq. ft. personal care outlet that would keep us in clover until we shuffle off these mortal coils.
Those simple days of a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo have long gone. Now I'm faced with a dazzling array of choices. Totally baffling choices. Because you see, the bottle or sachet never says what it contains. Oh yes, it will describe the qualities, but only in worthless advertorial form. So, standing drenched in the shower I reach for the first one.
Milk Of Morning Sunrise. Sounds nice, but what the hell is it?
NOW CONTAINS HYDROHEXOCHRLOROFYL! Will delight all chemists I'm sure, but not much use to me.
And so it goes. They all seem to be 'gentle', contain 'natural ingredients' are 'infused with essential oils' and, most excitingly, offer 'a triple acting complex'. But what the fuck is it? All I want is a shower gel.
Now you may ask whether all of this matters, my being a bloke and all that. But yes it does. For example, what if, in my ignorance, I were to apply a defoliant (exfoliant?) to my dwindling wisps of greying hair? Think about that. And speaking of hair, once I excitedly arrived upon a shampoo that promise to 'restore your hair to its natural thick luxurious form'. Brimming with anticipation I used it and rushed to the mirror the next morning, thinking I'd look like Kurt Cobain. But noooooo. Same old me.
So you can see that I have problems. Any tips for deciphering the baffling puzzle that faces me every morning would be much appreciated.
Those simple days of a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo have long gone. Now I'm faced with a dazzling array of choices. Totally baffling choices. Because you see, the bottle or sachet never says what it contains. Oh yes, it will describe the qualities, but only in worthless advertorial form. So, standing drenched in the shower I reach for the first one.
Milk Of Morning Sunrise. Sounds nice, but what the hell is it?
NOW CONTAINS HYDROHEXOCHRLOROFYL! Will delight all chemists I'm sure, but not much use to me.
And so it goes. They all seem to be 'gentle', contain 'natural ingredients' are 'infused with essential oils' and, most excitingly, offer 'a triple acting complex'. But what the fuck is it? All I want is a shower gel.
Now you may ask whether all of this matters, my being a bloke and all that. But yes it does. For example, what if, in my ignorance, I were to apply a defoliant (exfoliant?) to my dwindling wisps of greying hair? Think about that. And speaking of hair, once I excitedly arrived upon a shampoo that promise to 'restore your hair to its natural thick luxurious form'. Brimming with anticipation I used it and rushed to the mirror the next morning, thinking I'd look like Kurt Cobain. But noooooo. Same old me.
So you can see that I have problems. Any tips for deciphering the baffling puzzle that faces me every morning would be much appreciated.



