Nigerian jobs stampede tragedy

Just read in the Gruaniad that at least 16 people died when more than half a million people were invited to apply for fewer than 5,000 Nigerian government jobs.  Horrific scenes ensued as nearly 60,000 people stampeded in the Abuja National Stadium which had only one gate open.  As Obummer might say, my thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their famblies.

But what puzzles me is this: If there were 60,000 there and only 5,000 jobs, the danger of getting one of them was tiny..........so why the stampede? 

The First Ho's Revenge

Dramatic headline in New York Post

Herpes-infected Monkeys Terrorize Florida

And, I would have thought, most of the other 49 (or 56, according to Obama) States as well. 
 

Boost for Poland

I was interested to learn from Uncle Nasty the extent to which the figures for Jewish deaths in Auschwitz have progressively declined, but was unaware of the impact on the Polish economy. You see as the numbers spiral downwards and and ethnicities added almost on a daily basis, the local plaque industry has received a massive boost.  Factories work round the clock while the cobbled streets of Krakow resound to the thunder of trucks, groaning under the weight of latest release plaques, heading off for gas chamber country.

Being a thought leader in the automation of business systems I decided to lend a hand. Called out to one of the local factories to meet Supply Chain Director Pytr Cszjwvznpzswjski, who, I noticed, was studying a document entitled 'Latest Revised Estimates For Auschwitz Casualties And The Impact On Reparation Payments'.  Put it to him that just reacting to the latest figures was poor business practise, that planning based on the downward trajectory would enable a more regularised production and distribution environment.

Inadvertently I had wounded his professional pride.  'We have' he responded indignantly, 'done exactly that. 'These' he added, handing me a bundle of papers, 'represent our designs for the next four years.' Flicking to the last one I read Auschwitz Work Camp. In this camp, according to Red Cross figures, 74,000 assorted jews, gypsies, communists, sexual deviants and others died during the course of World War II.  

I also noticed in small writing underneath If your interest is in death camp porn and/or reparations, our sister companies in Russia and Ukraine offer tours of camps where tens of million died.  Contact details at the main office.

So at least there's one bit of good news on Poland's economy.

Pope Ben resigns

I've never been a fan of him, the Vatican, or the Catholic Church in general, but with my awakening comes a realisation that his being a white Christian calls for a little solidarity on my part. But this post is an opportunity to explore, with your kind help, something that has intrigued me for years. Not exactly of profound or strategic importance I know, but I must ask: What happens when he urgently needs to take a dump?

Think about it.  Look at those layers of clothing, from the top hat on down. Surely no self-respecting Pope would perform his ablutions with that on?  Then there are layers of cloaks and vesty things of every kind, none of which look to be easily discarded.  All underpinned by the papish underwear which we can reasonably assume to be not of the Speedo variety.

The problem is compounded by the urgent and unpredictable nature of bowel movements in the elderly.  Remember also that his sphincter, the controller of last resort, will have come in for a lot of attention during all those years in the monastery, so must be in rag order.

Maybe sometime we'll see future Popes decked out in a fetching  shade of Papal Brown?

Kerry road sign

After all the Sturm Und Drang of the last few posts, here's something on a lighter note.

 

Black History Month 2013

How time flies! Seems no time since we were last celebrating this event.  Well, some of us were celebrating. Too many of us were sneering and denigrating the real accomplishments of blacks. Although of course there's really only one race - the human race.

Anyway, to throw the mockery back in the faces of those small-minded people I have decided to catalogue all those achievements under the following seven classifications:

1. Maths
2. Physics
4. Chemistry
5. Quantum Mechanics
6. Engineering
7. Computer Technology

Achievements:






















































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Athletics

The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics was just like any other Friday night in Brixton.

You heard a gunshot followed by 8 black guys legging it!

'If Obama had a son.....'

This delectable creature here lost a major personal injury compensation payout because.........well, here's what the report said: 'She then performed oral sex at the park on a boyfriend. Doctors concluded she couldn’t have done so with an injured ankle.'  Am I missing something here?  Or have I lead a sheltered life?

Anyway, the main reason I'm posting this is to provide some of the readers' comments which are superb.

Enjoy!

"If Obama had a son..."

"She could service three with those nostrils"

"Hey, she's beautiful from the waist down.....my waist.
Signed,
Her boyfriend"

"Don't understand. She looks so honest and trustworthy"

"Yikes! If I had a dog with a face like that, I'd shave his ass and teach it to walk backwards"

"She had her chance but she blew it."

"She looks like God stepped on her face while he was pulling her tail off."

"Good God, just showing that photo should have a warning attached to it."

Then there's this one which strikes to the core of the issue.  And the core of America's problems.  Which makes me ask again: With 40 million of these useless parasites, how does America still manage to function?

"Modupe Adunni"?!! I'll bet $10,00.00 that this is another corrupt, unskilled, worthless immigrant (illegal? even?) that's been scamming the American taxpayer for four years. Just another reason our country is going down the tubes! All we need now is for the U.N disability treaty to get an OK from the illegal in the white house and they will be able to inundate us from all over the earth and sue the American government for discrimination if not allowed to immigrate for any reason!"

"Save da village son. Stay away"

A Nigerian living in Cork passed on this poignant telephone exchange between himself and his mother back in Nigeria. The poor guy....... 

"Mama, I have AIDS."

Mother: "Don't come back home, my son, don't come back home, you stay there!"

Man: "Why mama, why now, what I do now?"

Mother: "You foolish boy! You see, if you come back home, then your wife will be infected. From your wife to your brada, from your brada to our maid, from our maid to your fada, from your fada to my sista, from my sista to her hasband, from him to me, from me to the gardener, from the gardener to your sista. And if your sista got AIDS, yoyo, then the whole village is in trouble! 

So please please please SAVE OUR VILLAGE, DON'T COME BACK HOME!"

Freakin' priceless!

I seem to be in a whimsical mood today. Check this out. This is totally f*cking priceless.  NBC ignored one of the great lessons of broadcasting: Always check the ad that follows the last news item. This one on Olympic aspirations totally cracked me up.

Enjoy!

Nut-case destroys a Monet

Learned today that some lunatic has destroyed a Monet masterpiece in Dublin.  The Irish Slimes tells us that "a man has been arrested after a Monet painting hanging in the National Gallery of Ireland in Dublin was seriously damaged today. The 1874 work, entitled Argenteuil Basin With a Single Sailboat, was damaged between about 11am and 12 pm, a spokeswoman for the gallery confirmed."
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And boy, did he damage it............beyond repair or recognition...the bastard. Looking at the painting it was clear that it now bore no resemblance to a sailboat of any kind, the Argenteuil Basin or indeed any other basin. Something like a not particularly gifted child might do with his first painting set. What must it have been like before the vandal cut loose on it,  I wondered? Googled the picture and, oh dear, the painting on the Slimes was the one before it was damaged.
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Holy God!  Am I a philistine or what?

A spiffing idea

I’ve just had a spiffing idea. One that will help unite us Europeans around a common ideal. And it’s this: A contest in which every European country enters a song and all other European countries vote to elect a winner.  This concept is loosely based on the Eurovision Song Contest, recently held in Baku, Azerbaijan.

Not sure if you saw it, but it was a gripping affair.  Tanzania swept into the lead in the early voting but fell away to be replaced by dark horses Saudi Arabia, featuring a female vocal group clad entirely in black burkas. The remainder of the contest was then a nip and tuck affair as the lead swung wildly between Indonesia and Burkino Fasso. But, in a breathtaking finish, the Democratic Republic of the Congo came from nowhere to finish as Champions of Europe with just one point to spare.

This prompted wild celebrations in Kinshasa which unfortunately spilled out of hand, resulting in at least 3,000 deaths.  This surely gives the organisers some headaches as they plan for next year’s event in that location. And what, you may ask, of North Korea, the runaway pre-contest favourites? They inexplicably finished close to bottom of the poll. Chung Hee Moon, their clearly distraught Culture Minister, admitted that he was grievously disappointed.  But, brightening up, he added ‘everyone associated with the entry has been executed so we believe this will ensure a top-class entry for next year.’

Well, what do you think?  Am I on to something?

Michelle Obama is a man!!!

Come to this site for truly dramatic insights. But you're not really surprised to learn that she's a man, are you? Nor would you be surprised were the Chosen One to swing both ways.

Anyway, how do I know about Michelle? Well, from her own words, actually. You see, in the latest hagiography of the Chosen Couple (The Obamas: A Mission, A Marriage) Michelle instructs the author, Jodi Kantor, to inform his readers that 'I am not the angry black woman I'm painted'.

I believe her. But then we know that she's angry (perpetually), we know that she's black.

Ergo, she's not a woman.

QED.

A little levity

In these dark and depressing times, as our civilisation slides over the abyss, it's worthwhile to partake in a little levity...

Undying love

Newt ups the pressure for Jewish support

So much so that he promises that his next wife will be Jewish.

I swear!

Your Christmas Quiz

No Christmas is complete without a quiz and once again I step into the breach. So get your pencil and paper and see can you capture any of the dizzying array of prizes:

1. What proportion of the Irish prison population is African and/or Muslim?
a) 70%
b) 80%
c) 90%

2. At what age was Aisha when the 'Prophet' Mohammed first got his leg over her?
a) 8 years
b) 4 years
c) 3 years

3. How many Nigerians in Ireland have an honest job?
a) Two
b) None
c) Between none and two

4. How many fathers does the average black American woman have chirrun with?
a) 15
b) 27
c) Don't know

5. What is brown, black, brown, black, white, black, brown, black and brown?
a) an anaconda
b) a welfare queue in Oakland

6. What is the average price of a house in Detroit, America's most 'diverse' city?
a) $150
b) $110
c) 40 cent

I admit it's not an easy quiz. Still, give it a go. Winner gets one of Serena Williams' jock-straps

True story

A black man, an illegal alien, and a Muslim walked into a bar in Boston.

The bartender asks: "What can I get you Mr. President?"

PC Guidance

What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?

Neighbour!