Whatever else Ireland is short of it's not preening self-appointed Moral Crusaders. Among them St. Bob Geldof, Bono and of course the nodding lizard itself Mary Robinson, former President and Head of the UN Human Rights Commission (a body of which a key department is headed by none other than Saudi Arabia). Despite her endless demands of taxpayers to open their pockets to 'the most vulnerable' she has, in common with just about every other Moral Authority, demonstrated an uncanny ability to keep her own pockets firmly closed. Unless the moolah is going the other direction. Despite being the beneficiary of three gold-plated index-linked pensions (Trinity College, Irish State and the UN) she's now come up with another wheeze: To donate her papers to a dedicated Presidential Library in the bleak windswept backwater of North Mayo. She has emphasised that she's donating said papers, not getting a brass cent for them. Although it seems she has negotiated a tax credit for them worth more than €1 million. You must understand that this is totally different to actually charging the State €1 million. I admit that the distinction eludes me. But if the MSM say it's so.....well that's good enough for me. And she's even been good enough to scout out a building for the Library, a run-down tenement which just happens to be owned by her brother and for which the citizens of Mayo are to pay treble its market value.
Noam Chomsky, whom she greatly admires, would be proud of her.
But let our minds wander to the plight of Nick, her unfortunate husband, and specifically to what it must have been like for him to try and get his leg over this basilisk. An experience which approximates to that of the male black widow spider. This creature literally faces an existential dilemma. Driven by the two most elemental instincts in nature (procreation and survival) he warily circles the object of his desire, acutely aware that one false move and she'll literally have him for dinner. Now think of Old Nick, eyeing up his ice-cold, reptilian, humanoid spouse, her gimlet eyes boring through him as he shivers before the freezing force-field that shields her from human contact.
With this dilemma in mind I offer her the use of the following eForm (free of charge, although I wouldn't mind f he could swing a tax credit) to help love find a way.
REQUEST FOR SEXUAL CONGRESS
Proposed date and time (dd/mm/yy, 24 hour clock format)
Planned duration (not to exceed 15 minutes)
Purpose
Procreation []
Gratification []
Urgent release of testosterone buildup []
Details of required services
Missionary position []
Doggy-style []
Oral []
Other (please specify)
Agreed/Rejected
Mary Robinson, President and Chairperson of UNHCR





