Some seemingly inconsequential things can enrage me, totally out of proportion to their impact. Knocking over something on the table does it, for some inexplicable reason. As does being forced to take off my shoes at the ‘security’ (ho ho) scanner in airports. Coming through Charles De Gaulle today I was brusquely ordered to do this by a Turd World freak at the scanning machine. Gritting my teeth, I complied. Then another command ‘boarding card too’. ‘What???’ I exclaimed, ‘have we got exploding boarding cards now? Jesus Christ’ but again I complied.
Then ‘now push’ the goon ordered, pointing at the tray. ‘What???’ ‘Push’ he repeated, leering in triumph. ‘Why don’t you do it, you fucking handicapped or something’. ‘PUSH’ the goon repeated loudly, at which point I propelled the tray with such force at the machine that it nearly came straight out the other side.Big mistake, or potentially a big mistake anyway. You see the balance of power has swung drastically from the civilian to the so-called ‘security’ forces. And I understand that King Leer and his likes have a modus operandi for getting at even the most innocent of travellers to whom they may have taken a dislike: Drag him in for questioning and detain him just long enough to make him miss his flight. On reflection I was lucky this didn’t happen.
I managed to take a quick photo of the guy on my iPhone, so watch out for him if you’re in CDG any time.Now here’s some more airport wisdom, a handy reference guide, known only to the most seasoned traveller.
Gate Open = your plane hasn’t yet left the ground on the other sideBoarding: Plane has taken off
Gate Closing = Gate openingLast call = now ready to board
Deploy this valuable reference framework to help you optimise your travel time management.