I’ve just had a spiffing idea. One that will help unite us Europeans around a common ideal. And it’s this: A contest in which every European country enters a song and all other European countries vote to elect a winner. This concept is loosely based on the Eurovision Song Contest, recently held in Baku, Azerbaijan.
Not sure if you saw it, but it was a gripping affair. Tanzania swept into the lead in the early voting but fell away to be replaced by dark horses Saudi Arabia, featuring a female vocal group clad entirely in black burkas. The remainder of the contest was then a nip and tuck affair as the lead swung wildly between Indonesia and Burkino Fasso. But, in a breathtaking finish, the Democratic Republic of the Congo came from nowhere to finish as Champions of Europe with just one point to spare.
This prompted wild celebrations in Kinshasa which unfortunately spilled out of hand, resulting in at least 3,000 deaths. This surely gives the organisers some headaches as they plan for next year’s event in that location. And what, you may ask, of North Korea, the runaway pre-contest favourites? They inexplicably finished close to bottom of the poll. Chung Hee Moon, their clearly distraught Culture Minister, admitted that he was grievously disappointed. But, brightening up, he added ‘everyone associated with the entry has been executed so we believe this will ensure a top-class entry for next year.’
Well, what do you think? Am I on to something?