Now why should I come to the assistance of the Slimes? A good question. I suppose that’s just the kind of guy I am. And I guess this kind of thing at least partially explains my enduring popularity.
Anyway, the Slimes is confused. You see they don’t know how this whole Trayvon matter became national news. In an article on April 1st (appropriate that) David Carr plaintively asks how “a single shooting incident in a midsize Florida city…….threatens to divide a country. How did a discrete local event take on the scale of a presidential election, or assassination? The photo, the hoodie, the tweets, the Skittles — all have taken on outsize importance in a supercharged national debate, while perspective and restraint get left by the wayside.”
Many of us have asked ourselves exactly the same question.
Well David, good news. I can help. Because no sooner had Trayvon been perforated by Zimmerman, before he’d even fully ascended to the Great McDonald’s In The Sky, the Slimes, in the person of Charles Blow(hole) was on the case. In The Curious Case of Trayvon Martin Blow informs us that “Zimmerman apparently pursued him anyway, at some point getting out of his car and confronting the boy” before shooting him dead. He also cited an unnamed source having heard a “desperate wail of a child, a gunshot, and then silence.” That source itself now appears to be silent as well.
Could this be what Carr had in mind when he referred to “perspective and restraint getting left by the wayside”?
Anyway David, I can help you some more! You see, if one enters “Trayvon Martin” in the Slimes search engine you get a message, wait for it, saying in effect ‘here are the first 10,000 items meeting that criterion’. Yes, that’s ten thousand items on the Slimes David, with presumably multiple of that awaiting the zealous investigator.
So now, wasn’t that helpful? Look no further. The Slimes has been at the forefront in enabling “a discrete local event take on the scale of a presidential election, or assassination”. But, you cry, why the sudden change? Why are the Slimes in effect washing its grubby paws of its role in the affair? The answer to me seems simple. The whole wheeze is coming apart at the seams like a $40 suit. Evert shred of evidence that has emerged since the event supports Zimmerman’s position. So a little rewriting of history is in order.
Now my assistance extends even further. You see Charles Blowhole, the author of the above piece, is a worried man. Worried sick is he. Why? Because he has two teenage sons who labour under the 'unbearable burden' presented by armed white vigilantes. “That is the burden of black boys in America and the people that love them: running the risk of being descended upon in the dark and caught in the cross-hairs of someone who crosses the line.”
Well Charles, let me assure you. Your sons have more chance of getting killed in a Section 8 housing stampede than getting offed by a white vigilante. Or even a white Hispanic vigilante, come to think of it. The most recent event I can think of occurred in the fifties. So no worry there. However, that’s the good news. Now for the bad. There are about 6,000 murders of blacks youths every year in the US. And Charles - fewer than 5% of these are committed by the whites you seem to fear so much. They’re committed by the bruthas in the ‘hood, Charles.
Now haven't I been a good boy showing those good people where to direct their energies?