He’s been described as the British Obama by all and sundry (just Google it!). Not that he encourages the comparison, mind you. Apparently the first thing he says on being introduced goes along the lines of ‘everyone is comparing me to Barak Obama, but in fact I’m my own man’. Very modest of him. Who is he? Ladies and gentlemen I give you Chuka Umunna, Britain’s Shadow Business Secretary, who has actually been described by the New Statesman as one of Ten People Who Could Change The World.
Isn't that something?
While some begrudgers might quibble, I say he has all the Obama qualifications. Let me explain:
() He had an African father who knocked up a wealthy white woman
() He’s got a daft unpronounceable name
() He cannot be mentioned in the MSM without multiple references to his ‘brilliance’ and ‘eloquence’. In fact the Independent pointed out that it's nigh-on impossible to find anybody who has a bad word to say about him (and who isn't a right-wing blogger). Presumably they don’t see the irony of the last bit.
() Zoomed to the top despite negligible accomplishments. Failed to get into Oxford. Being black, wearing a suit and not having stabbed anyone he should have been a shoo-in. Scraped a 2.1 in Law and French at Manchester University and then worked as a junior solicitor for a few years before becoming an MP in a safe Labour constituency. Just eighteen months ago! Whereupon he was promoted to the post of Shadow Business Secretary – one of the biggest jobs on the opposition front bench.
() Did a stint as a ‘community organiser', presumably using his labour law specialty to extract AA compensation for Leshawn and Rohandra from their unfortunate white employers
() Developed a God Syndrome after a short time in office. His fellow Labour MPs have accused him of running a ‘presidential-style’ Commons office with no fewer that eleven personal assistants. (Most have only one or two).
() Manifests gargantuan hypocrisy: Like Obama, this horny handed son of the soil has used offshore tax avoidance schemes to help fund his luxurious lifestyle while railing against banking ‘fat cats’ who live by different rules to ‘ordinary taxpayers’. His £1 million house was financed by what the Daily Mail coyly referred to as “the house’s complicated ownership structure.” Funded by a Jersey-based Trust which helps ‘high net worth’ individuals to ‘plan for and mitigate tax liabilities’. Indeed.
() He's a lightweight in a smart suit whose entire political output seems to be about race
() He wants to, and believes he can, ‘change the world’
() He has an uncanny ability to read from an autocue
Yes, this guy has everything it takes. We read of his ‘impish sense of humour’, his ‘charming laugh’, his ‘firm commitment to equality’, his ‘ability to listen’ (especially if they’re comparing him to Obama), his ‘humility, despite being super-smart, extremely talented or drop-dead gorgeous’. I kid you not.
And what about Daddy? Apparently his father was a self-made man, who arrived from Nigeria in the 1960s and started out washing cars, going on to establish his own import-export business. Taking time out to, like Rageh Omar (see my post here) to send another renowned ancestral line down the plughole (his wife is the daughter of the legendary Sir Helenus Patrick Joseph Milmo ). Now I know what some of you racist, white-supremacist bigots are thinking. A Nigerian running a used car Import-export business…... Well I can assure you that there wasn’t a single instance of dealing in crashed or stolen cars or ones with clocked mileage. In fact I'm reliably informed that, remarkably, most had been driven by just one careful lady owner. What’s more, I believe that every penny of VAT, income tax and excise duty was paid at all times. Every penny, I tell you.
In conclusion I leave you with this Limerick:
There once was an MP called Chuka
With left wing credentials not Pukka
Privileged and greedy
With tax planning seedy
Lets hope he ends up in the gutter