Few areas of human endeavour attract more attention – and funding – than those geared towards improving educational performance. Being a sometime academic myself I can straight off the top of my head think of numerous examples. ‘Daylighting’ and other environmental factors, Deep Immersion techniques, multimedia, case based reasoning, team based learning, use of school counselors, use of non-standardised instruments, special diets and sleep regimes etc. Sadly, these have lead to marginal improvement at best. And the result is that western nations now continue to slide down international performance rankings.
It is therefore with great joy, and indeed excitement, that I present news of stunning performance improvements from South Africa. Now, I will concede that I have not been an unqualified admirer of the new Rainbow Nation. Perhaps it’s something to do with the fact that since ‘independence’ it has collapsed into a violent, crime-ridden, AIDS-infested, Turd World hell hole where the gub’mint feeds at the trough while whites are murdered in their beds by the thousand.
But I'm a fair and equitable man. I give credit where credit is due. And who can not give credit to the towering advances in academic performance achieved there over the last year? I'm not talking about incremental improvements of 5% or even 10%. No, my friends. Hold on to something steady as I bring you the thrilling news of an instance where the improvement was, wait for it, no less than 1470% That’s right – over one thousand percent improvement. Now I have to admit that this dramatic improvement is founded on a rather modest base. In fact it couldn’t be any lower, in that 0% passed the Matric the previous year. Ok, but a 1470% improvement is a 1470% improvement*
Now I know you’re breathless to learn this technique. You perhaps see the opportunity to apply it for yourself or your kids. Well, let me first point out that it has one drawback in that it’s quite expensive, although this encumbrance need not apply to you personally, as you will see.
So here it is. Based on a recent post in SAS, it seems that the technique can be distilled into the following key components:
1: Sit Matriculation
2: Fail Matriculation
3: Beat up teachers
4: Burn down school
5: Proudly collect, following a hasty review by the educationalists, your brand new Matriculation Certificate
And who says Africans can't innovate?
* For those pedants among you, I know one can't derive a percentage increase on zero. But allow me my rhetorical flourish, will you? It’s all in a good cause.