In this post I revealed that Portland Oregon had been designated America’s ‘most European’ city. Presumably this was because “it’s got loads of pedestrian areas, trams, bike lanes, cobbled streets, is environmentally friendly, has lots of clean high-tech enterprises, and its crime rate is among the lowest in the country”, I explained.
But Portland had a terrible dark secret that threatened to spoil everything: It was – peer anxiously over shoulder- not ‘diverse’, you see. Almost all of the citizens were, shudder, white. If only, if only, we had more diversity, they whispered… for instance large numbers of blacks, Muslims and Hispanics……..the mind boggled at how wonderful it would then be.
Portland is a green city too of course, but envy would make them go a deeper shade of that colour if they knew about Jos, a ‘vibrant’ city in central Nigeria. This splendid metropolis luxuriates in the kind of diversity calculated to give Oregonians wet dreams. Black, brown, Arabic, Lebanese, Christians, Religion of Peaceniks, animists……….you name it, they’re there.
And as you’d imagine, they’ve all been enthusiastically celebrating diversity like mad for years. This has lead to literally thousands of deaths over the last ten years, with vast stretches of the city burnt to the ground in the process. The police do their best – one video on Yutube shows them lining up suspects and then, to the great amusement of the onlookers, machine-gunning them to death.
But there's only so much they can do - people just want to celebrate diversity. And what better time to kick it off again than the Season Of Good Will? Yes indeed, and it duly began about two weeks ago. A Muslim man, Al Hadji, had started to rebuild a house burned down during the last inter-cummunity celebrations. Some local ‘Christians’ questioned his entitlement to do this. Not wishing to spend the required time or money on the services of a conveyancing lawyer, the Christians resolved this contractual impasse through the simple expedient of hacking old Al to death.
Before you could say ‘diversity is our strength’, the Religion Of Peace responded, lead by a radical Muslim sect known as Boko Haram (not to be confused with Procul Harum, of Whiter Shade Of Pale fame). Anyway, Boko decided to ‘reach out’ to their fellow diversocrats and, well, here’s how one report described it. “Dozens of armed men attacked the church, dragging the pastor out of his home and shooting him to death. Two young men from the choir rehearsing for a late-night carol service also were slain. The group of about 30 attackers armed with guns and knives even killed two people passing by Victory Baptist Church.”
Soon the whole vibrant city was celebrating diversity with gusto. By the end of it witnesses reported dozens of bodies piled up. ‘Most of the bodies appeared to be women and children killed by blows from machetes. Mr. Kosoko said the dead lined the streets of Dogo Nahawa, a village about three miles south of the city of Jos.’
The Portlanders are clearly missing out, although they did get something to whet their appetites recently in the form of Somali ‘refugee’ Mohammed Mohammed (wonder what religion he is?), who apparently “fled chaos in Somalia for new life in America.”
Indeed he did.
And part of this new life involved trying to blow up his fellow Portlanders over Christmas. As one does.
But Portlanders understand.
Here’s Jeanne Faulkner of The Oregonian: “Let's show the world how Oregonians really feel about our immigrants, refugees and people in desperate, impoverished countries like Somalia. Let's show them we really care about them.”
Clearly Jeanne is a smart lady with a keen practical understanding of the whole situation. That being the case she’ll be pleased with this news: Jeanne, there are lots and lots and lots and lots of new Mohammed Mohammeds on their way to you for their ‘new life in America’.