Monday, 3 May 2010

A new business idea

One thing I don't like about Muslims is their, at best indifference, at worst outright cruelty to animals. The mistreatment of dogs and donkeys in particular I find actually upsetting. As the poet said, 'the more I see of man, the more I love my dog'. So you’ll understand my joy therefore when I read of a Muslim asylum seeker in Birmingham who not just likes animals, he actually loves them!
.
This from Birmingham's Sunday Mercury:


"A MIDLAND asylum seeker, once jailed for having sex with a sheep, has been sent back to prison for breaching the Sex Offenders’ Register. Hidyat Amin, 34, of Alum Rock, Birmingham. Birmingham, was placed on the register for seven years in 2006 after being found guilty of romping with the animal in a farm shed."

Isn't that heart-warming? And he being Kurdish an’ all.

Now reading this gave me an idea. As I've pointed out on several occasions, things in Ireland are, economically speaking, on a downward spiral. Business opportunities are few and far between. So, given that we have vast numbers of Muslim cultural enrichers flooding in here, why not cater to their unique sexual preferences – and indeed those of our Welch Celtic neighbours just across the channel?

So I've assembled an irresistible coterie of ‘companions’ to meet every need. Prices will be competitive, with service being discreet and accommodating.

So what do you think of my stable? Is it a runner?


Daphne

This is Daphne. Daphne is sporty, vivacious and loves keeping active by running around the countryside. Uninhibited and sensually oriented, she’s a companion that loves overindulging you in your fantasies. This auburn-haired beauty wants to be your temptress playmate and is sure to rock your world over and over!!






Marjorie

And here we have Marjorie. With long and slender legs, full hips and a temptingly round rear-end, the ever-smiling Marjorie will seduce your senses and pamper your every whim. An unrushed and totally fulfilling experience is guaranteed with this lively lady.





Rodney

For those looking for excellent sex, but in a fun-loving and sporty environment, Rodney is the one. Playful, adventurous and uninhibited, Rodney will cheerfully indulge your most bizarre fantasies. Sure to be one of our most popular companions.




Horace

And for those who like pain with their game, we proudly present Horace. Though he may look mild tempered, Horace gets very angry if you tweak his scrotum. So just arouse him once and an intense encounter is guaranteed, after which you’ll return home battered and bruised, but also happy and fulfilled.





Igor
We recognize that many of our potential customers, while anxious to experience the love of an animal, may, because of shyness, need to transition through an intermediate phase. For this we proudly present Igor. Half man, half beast, he makes the ideal intermediary for the nervous debutante.



Mail order

We take all our customers’ needs into account and recognize that many would prefer to consummate their relations in the strictest privacy of their homes. For this small but important market segment we provide what we refer to as our Mail Order Bride service. Any one of our wide range of attractive mates will make a discreet, perfect companions for any occasion.

So what do you think? Am I on to a winner?

25 comments:

Viking said...

there are no words....

Anonymous said...

Wow! Marjorie really does it for me. Can you send me some details?

Anonymous said...

It's been a while since I sodomised a decaying cadaver, put me down for Igor.

Anonymous said...

It's been a while since I sodomised a decaying cadaver, put me down for Igor.

duluth said...

I dunno. The mail order brides could be promising. Either way, a sure-fire winner.

Skot German said...

I'll go with Daphne. I like the soft feminine types.

Anonymous said...

Do you have any French Sheep - maybe in a nurses uniform?

Californian said...

Geez...no wonder Google posts a warning on this site!

Anonymous said...

The only thing I don't like about Daphne is her name. Is it OK to call her Aisha?

Croesus said...

Igor forme, but I'd need to see his (its?) face first. Any chance of this.

Anonymous said...

What a bevy of beauties - you're onto a winner here for sure.

Anonymous said...

Not all Muslims are cruel to animals - and certianly not all of them are 'into' animals.

rob said...

So you think you can make fun of romantic encounters between man and quadruped. Here in Roscommon, we take that as an insult to our way of life.

kulak said...

This article is obviously meant for all those concerned about the full display of your glorious physique.

tovir said...

I believe that there was a farm in Denmark offering these kind of services. The last I heard is that it's closed down now.

Anonymous said...

OK People....HERE IT IS: Thursday, May 20 is international "Draw Muhammad Day..." Be creative, be original with silly costumes, Marie Antoinette-type wigs, outlandish facial expressions, illustrated body sounds. Pass the word around: May 20: Draw Muhammad Day.

Prof Brainfart Knowsitall said...

Damnit Savant! The scientific community are extremely annoyed with you! We've been looking for the elusive "missing-link" for some time now - and yet HERE you've had evidence for it for obviously some time (I refer to Igor, in case of some confusion, not Horace).

My contacts at google will be looking very carefully at the continuation of your blog, due to your heinous retardation of scientific progress...

Anonymous said...

Go the Goldman Sachs and they'll organize all the VC financing you need. A sure-fired winner!

Anonymous said...

LoL - hilarious!

Big bill said...

Don't give them any ideas.

The reason Kurdish men hump animals is because they would be butchered for humping Kurdish women and they know it.

Once ignorant half-savage Muslims learn you will give your girls to them for free and will not castrate or kill them to preserve your family honor they will start attacking your women and girls like all the Pakis do in England.

When the Pakis pick some 12-13 year old white girl out and start seducing her they call it "grooming". Eventually they gang rape her and turn her out to turn tricks with all of them. Thank your lucky stars this Kurd still thinks he would be killed for soiling your women, it is probably the only thing that has kept your women from being Kurdish sperm receptacles like the poor EnglIsh girls all over England who are turned out in their early teens and forced to service Muzzies.

Better your sheep than your baby daughter, believe me!

Anonymous said...

@big bill. Yes, I've been told this about bestiality in Muslim countries. They must not be able to believe their luck when they come to the west.

kulak said...

Jews' closest genetic relatives in the near east are Kurds.

Jus' sayin'

kulak said...

"In 2001, a team of scientists discovered that three Jewish communities of Ashkenazi, Sephardic and Kurdish Jews surprisingly shared more haplotypes and chromosomes with Muslim Kurds than with either Palestinians or Bedouins.

In 2001, Nebel et al compared three Jewish and three non-Jewish groups from the Middle East: Ashkenazim, Sephardim, and Kurdish Jews from Israel; Muslim Arabs from Israel and the Palestinian Authority Area; Bedouin from the Negev; and Muslim Kurds. They concluded that Sephardim and Kurdish Jews were genetically indistinguishable, but that both were slightly significantly different from Ashkenazim (who were most closely related to the Muslim Kurds)."

Anonymous said...

Jews and Kurds - who'd have thought??

kulak said...

Dam Saddam was gassin' der bruddahs.