Saturday, 15 May 2010

Different species

The previous post explored the intriguing possibilities of genetic engineering. But at times I think the differences between the two genders are more redolent of those between different species.

Take a domestic episode from Chateau Savant today. Lady Savant is driving forty miles to see here niece's wedding dress! Won't she see it on the wedding day? I'm scornfully dismissed with "it's not the same", and soto voce, presumably, "you idiot".

But then calamity struck. Apparently the niece didn't want her to see it, preferring to keep it as a surprise. This has lead to frantic and anguished phone calls between all concerned as an acceptable solution is sought. Trust me - you've never seen such excitement. Over a bloody wedding dress??

Then another mystery. Lady S. requested to see the bride being dressed on her wedding day. What in the name of Jesus is going on here? She wants to see the bride being dressed on her wedding day? Now attendees at this bizarre ritual are subject to careful scrutiny - some tribes say only bridesmaids or something can be there. Cue more protracted and anguished discussions, texts and tweets. My brave offer to attend the event in her place was dismissed with a very Victorian 'we are not amused' glare.

And finally on this subject. I just happened to mention in passing once that I thought Becky's wedding dress (in Coronation Street) was nice. This was greeted with shrieks of disdain and horror by Her Ladyship, and whenever one of her gatherings runs out of steam, all she has to is relate this to her friends and the same explosion of mirth and horror is repeated. Can you (males only, please) see anything wrong with that particular dress (pictured here)?

I complain about incompatible cultures immigrating to the West. Yet we share our lives and homes with incompatible species!

24 comments:

FishEagle said...

It's no wonder you aren't an ace with the ladies. And I'm NOT talking about the dress.

Jack Quinn said...

Weddings are rackets, Savant. Just be glad you're not being stuck with the tab.

As far as the wedding dress, it looks like at least 6 former boyfriends are paying their respects underneath all that crinoline.

OneStonedCrow said...

Hehehe ... a different species indeed ... they do have some peculiar customs hey?

... the only thing I can see wrong with the dress is that she's IN it ... :)

Andrea Muhrrteyn said...

Sorry mate, but you married that dumb broad... there are plenty women out htere who ain't so witless... but you preferred for yourself some idiotic vacant minded numbskull...

Most men don't want a woman, with brains, with courage, with some sense of purpose and passion, a soulmate, a friend, they just want a barbie teazer doll...

Take a look at your own inner psychological, emotional etc.. insecurities.. why did you marry such a dumb chick, she doesn't deserve the word 'woman'?

Thinking with your genitals, maybe?

Piet said...

I think Andrea Muhrrteyn has stopped taking her pills again. She does that pretty often.

What a crone!

Anonymous said...

Well written and amusing. Thanks for the smile. C.

W Baker said...

The wedding industry with all of its excesses is alive and thriving over here. They have television programmes on dresses, cakes, decorations, planning - you name it. Sometimes I am forced by she-who-must-be-obeyed to view this or that dress or situation as I pass through the room.

The best I can usually say is, 'unfucking believable. How can you watch this garbage?'

Some of these f*cking dresses fetch 30 or 40k US - to say nothing of the food, liquor, reception hall, etc.

Thank the stars above I have two sons and hopefully will not have to contribute financially nearly as much as the poor bastard with daughters.

Incidentally, I think the dress pictured is lovely. Alot of work to get it off/up....but still very lovely.

Anonymous said...

I'd say Andrea is a dyke.

Anonymous said...

jesus Savant, I can empathize with you. My better half is just the same. On such issues we're like ships that cross in the night.

Joe Clarke

PS - I like that dress in the foto!

larryinmemphis said...

What I'd like to know is what's going on under that dress? What's driving her to drink?

neelie said...

If you want to know how crazy Andrea Muhrrteyn is - she married some black dude who kicked the shit out of her and then left her high and dry. That's why she's gone all dyko now.

John McNeill said...

Too bad we need this "other" species in order to continue as a people and civilization. Frustrating. ;p

And no, I don't see anything wrong with the dress.

Uncle Bob said...

Me too. I think the dress is beautiful. What's wrong with that Lady of yours?

Elaine said...

What are you guys at? That dress is DREADFUL! From a tinker's wedding.

Andrea Muhrrteyn said...

Piet,

Never taken any pills in my life.. but don't let that bother you.. honesty don't seem to be something you value highly, does it? So you must be a superior species at lying.. Anyway, if that works for you, by all means, go ahead. Personally I find liars to be cowards, and I don't particularly like cowards... but I do acknowledge their right to exist..

Anonymous,

Define 'dyke'. Its possible, depending on your defintion. Am I some dimwit tits and no brains, who will marry a man for his money, irrespective of his asshole character. Not if you put a gun to my head! if that makes me a dyke.. I wear the badge proudly.

Neelie,

I was indeed married to a black man of honour, who never lifted his hand to me ever. A man of honour and integrity, unlike many, if not most, of the white and black men in SA. So, I am lucky to have met a few white and black men of honour;and that to me was their most amazing character. I'd take a bullet for them any day of hte week. You are welcome to your barbie dolls wallet parasites..

Anonymous said...

Andrea is holed up in some squat in the States after her loving relationship with the porch monkey fell through. Who could have imagined?

kulak said...

Any dress is good when combined with booze.

It will come off more easily.

kulak said...

Most men don't want a woman, with brains, with courage, with some sense of purpose and passion, a soulmate, a friend,

On the contrary, a good woman who knows her place is all of those things.

And also blows me whenever I want. Which is only fair in light of the noisy multiple orgasms SHE gets.

piet said...

Andrea - you take us to task for going for physical attributes in our women. So are we to take it that you didn't select your porch monkey for his oversized joystick>

If not, what else? Please enlighten us,

Kruger said...

Where's this wonderful person now Andrea? Let me guess... looking out on the world through bars?

Andrea Muhrrteyn said...

Piet,

If what you want is a barbie doll wallet parasite; thats fine. We all got different tastes. Its not what I aspire to being, but I ain't got a problem with other women being that if that makes them happy; or men wanting htat if that makes them happy.

Where I have met such women; all I advise them to do, should they seek my advise, is be honest about who they are, and what they want; and don't bullshit the guy. Many of them say, 'the guy wants to be bullshitted'. To which I say 'how do you know?'... anyway its an interesting conversation, but i won't bore you with it.. Short version: I say: Be an honourable barbie doll wallet parasite.

I am a little confused about why men wnat that, and then go about blaming the woman for being exactly what they wanted? What is honourable about that?

If that is what a man wants, then why dont they take responsibility for their choice? Why blame her, for being what you wanted?


Kruger,

There is more than one honourable man on the planet. And yes, honour to me is the most attractive character trait for a man. To me an honourable man is the sexiest man around, no matter, if he has a bellyboopie, or other women would not look twice. Character and integrity make him -- to me -- the sexiest man alive.

Anonymous said...

You're some man kulak! The only way I can get the missus to scream is if I dry my hands on the curtains!

FishEagle said...

Jesus, you are a bunch of misfits!

kulak said...

I may be a pretty good violin player if I may say so myself, but honestly I'm working with a Stradivarius here.

And she was a virgin when we married. I'm her first, last, and only.

At the time I didn't think it was important that a prospective wife be a virgin.

But I've got a daughter now, and I know EXACTLY what those boys are thinking!