Friday, 31 July 2009

Ten theological questions

As you all know I'm deeply pious and agonise over the meanings of the sacred texts. Are there any good theologians amongst you who can help me with these questions?

1. Leviticus 25: 44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. I'd like to get some, but does this mean I can buy them only from the UK?

2. As I'm a bit short of funds (recession and all that) I'd like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21: 7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her (expressed in Euros, please)?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev. 15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense for some reason.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev. 1: 9. The problem is, my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11: 10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21: 20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear glasses - but only for reading. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11: 6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? And what if I head the ball?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19: 19 ! by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20: 14)


Anonymous said...


Ask a rabbi. They are up to date on these and any other questions relating to the Jewish faith.

Kind Regards, A Helpful Reader

SAVANT said...

Maybe. But the rabbi would probably charge me! But thanks anyway!

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the Koran.

openyoeyes said...

An interesting slant. Much is said (rightfully so IMO) about the outrageous observations made by fundamental Christians who are just "Jew lite" drawing their "wisdom of the ages" from the same timeless tome.

Why then are just the Christians ridiculed for their outdated and backward beliefs? If you were to analyze the sacred observations of the typical orthodox Jew you might think the average wild eyed, rabid Christian was the measured voice of reason in the theological debate.

IMHO they're both nuts, but again, the volume of criticism by progressives and educational elites towards Judaism is conspicuous in its absence thereof.

Anonymous said...

Savant, gonna love this, watched cnn here in Chicago last nite and some fool said with a straight face that the reason Black Africans are so violent is because they were thaught to be violent under Apartheid and the white masters of then white SOUTH Africa are at fault, so next time you see Jimbo Rastus strutting down the street talking loud and profane and beating his woman, yes its whitheys fault.

Anonymous said...

openyoeyes: this is very true. In fact the Orthodox Jewish situation is worse because most Christians have kinda disavowed the Old Testament, but these guys believe it 100%.

I gues you dont hear so much because Orthodox or such small numbers, but maybe that's not the explanation?


Skot German said...


OK, this is not relevant to your questions. If God can do anything then can he make himself cease to exist? Has he done so?

Big Bill said...

First of all, Savant, these laws do not apply to you. God cares not one whit whether you sleep with an unclean woman or not. These laws are strictly for the Jews.

By the traditional count there are 613 of them. As one of The Nations, all you have to do is follow the Noachide Laws.

And Jews do not want you to commit. As One of The Nations, they know how hard it would before you to follow all the law.

Judaism is a two-caste system: them and us. Since you are one of "them", relax and enjoy! Just keep you eye on Jewish slave traders or pimps. As you identified in the Law, there are special risks for gentiles.

Consider yourself lucky. To be a good follower of the Noachide laws, you don't have to convert to the upper caste (Jews) you you can remain in the lower caste (gentiles) and follow the Noachide Laws as best you can.

SAVANT said...

Big Bill: Thanks for that. It's a relief, I can tell you, as I really didn't want to kill my neighbour, who'se really a pretty nice chap.

But tell me, where does that leave the upper class Jews bound by these laws? To me they seem straight out of the Koran. Do those Jews follow them, or have they worked out some faux by-pass?

SAVANT said...

Skot German: Good to hear from you again. In answer to your question, I dont know. And neither does anyone else, priest, bishop, mullah or rabbi.

My very unsophisticated take on the issue is that we had to come from somewhere, so there has/had to be a creator. But I definitley dont see Him in anthropomorphic (i.e. man-like) terms. So given these views I can't really answer your question.

Interesting tho'

Anonymous said...

Not many appreciate the main difference between Jews and Christians. Christians believe the Messiah(Jesus) has been and gone. The Jews are still awaiting the Messiah. There they have a major problem because if the Messiah were to appear today, He would need to prove his lineage and right to hold the crown of David. This is impossible as the Romans tore down Soloman's Temple in 70AD and destroyed all Temple records - which is why no Jew alive today can prove his lineage. So does the Law as given to Moses apply today? In short, no. The Law pointed to the Messiah, the Messiah has been and gone leaving a set of principles to live by which to not include sacrifices, slavery or a host of other issues raised up.

Anonymous said...

great to see that people in this day and age are still discussing the possibilities of Satan residing in a shell fish , it was a sad day all those yrs ago when the world turned it's back on Socrates , Plato and all those other clever Greeks , and embraced superstition as absolute truth , look where thats left us as a species , in Wisconsin a teenage girl collapses at home , the father summons the family who proceed to gather around and pray to god for her recovery .

She dies .

the mother and father have been convicted of reckless endangerment and face 25 yrs in jail , a religious nut would conclude that it was all part of gods plan , the daughters death , the parents incarceration , all part of a divine plan . when just a simple shot of insulin would have done the trick .

Are we really smarter than monkeys ?

SAVANT said...

anon 9.22 - that's an interesting slant. Presumably your average rabbi wouldn't put it that way?

anon 12.41: If the parents get 20 years in jail it'd prove to me that we're smarter than monkees. said...
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Democratic Bloodbaths

... But let me come back to the link between the American Civil War and World War I. Both wars were fought in defense of egalitarian democracy, and in both wars white European males were killed in larger percentages and numbers than in any previous war between Europeans. Did this end the European American’s and the European’s love affair with egalitarian democracy? No, it did not. The carnage of those two wars, fought in the name of democracy, only intensified the Europeans’ love for democracy. Why? Because having lost his faith in Christianity, the European had to cling to his new-found faith no matter what the cost in human lives. “Better that millions perish than I should give up my faith in egalitarian democracy,” became the implicit credo of the post-Christian European.

It was inevitable that the black man would become the god of the democracy-loving Europeans, because the satanic logic of the democratic heresy says that if a black man can attain equality with the European, the new faith works. We can all dance around the bonfire of Western culture and sing praises to the new faith. The Obama coronation in this country was a religious ceremony in which liberals throughout America and Europe saw their god in the flesh.

Of course, it could have been any black man who was crowned, because the liberals’ faith celebrates the generic over the individual. Remember when Pope Benedict XVI, then Cardinal Ratzinger, said that the next pope should be a black man? He did not mention a particular black man, he just wanted a black man, any black man.

Egalitarian democracy, like communism, is an impossibility. A hierarchal structure exists in every society, even if that society denies its existence. And post-Christian Europeans have retained the elements of a Christian society in a bastardized, demonic form. For instance, original sin still exists, but it resides only in white males. And their original sin was that they did not admit blacks into full equality with whites. Hence, it is necessary that white males perform their mea culpas on a daily basis and take their punishment in a humble and contrite manner. Likewise, the liberals still believe in saints. However, sainthood does not come as a result of an individual person cooperating with God’s grace; sainthood is conferred on every member of the black race and by proxy to those members of the white race who support the sainted black race.

The halfway-house Christians tell us that egalitarian, black-worshipping democracy stems from the Christian belief that all men are created and loved by God. But why, if egalitarian democracy follows from Christianity, didn’t the Europeans, when they were Christian, practice egalitarian democracy? No unbiased, sane human being could claim our current aborting, porno-crazed society is superior to the older European societies. Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say that a Christian people segregates in order to protect their own from contamination, and they make distinctions between peoples in order to ensure that truth has a protected hearth in which to dwell? When the white race ceased to segregate and when they allowed truth to be trampled by barbarian hordes, they ceased to be Christian.

The “Lost Battalion” is the European people who have forsaken Christian Europe for egalitarian, black-worshipping democracy. And every single European who adheres to the egalitarian creed will suffer the same fate as Major Charles Whittlesey. When the battle is not fought in the name of the God who’s love passeth all understanding, the battle and life itself seem futile. Does the struggle availeth, is the race worth running? It is, but only if He awards the laurel wreath.
Labels: black faith, churches as halfway houses, democracy