Friday, 13 March 2009

Why no Gentile jokes?

Jewish jokes are a favourite of mine and there's no shortage of them. Ever wondered why there are so few Gentile jokes going the rounds?

Well, the following selection will show you why.

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A gentile goes into a clothing store and says, "This is a very fine jacket. How much is it?" The salesman says, "It's $500.."

The gentile says, "OK, I'll take it."

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Two gentile mothers meet on the street and start talking about children. Gentile mother 1 (said with pride): "My son is a construction worker!" Gentile mother 2 (said with more pride): "My son is a truck driver!"

(This is a variation on the Jewish joke 'Help - my son the doctor is drowning!')

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A gentile couple goes to a nice restaurant. The man says: "I'll have the steak and a baked potato, and my wife will have the julienne salad wit h house dressing. We'll both have coffee." The waiter asks, "How would you like your steak and salad prepared?" The man says, "I'd like the steak medium......the salad is fine as is." The waiter says, "Thank you."

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A gentile man calls his elderly mother. He asks, "Mom, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

She says, "I'm feeling fine, and I don't need anything son. Thanks for calling."

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Now you can see why they haven't taken the comedy world by storm!

13 comments:

Cheeky Boy said...

I've spent about 14 months in total in Israel, and if they're The Chosen People then all i can say is God's got a sense of humour

Anonymous said...

Cheeky Boy - obviously you dont get the humor in these jokes - too subtel I presume. To explain, the joke is on the Jews, not the gentiles, e.g. demanding mother, easygoing customer etc.

Maybe the Israelis are the chosen people after all!!

Anonymous said...

Have you heard the one about the gentile at the bus stop. "What time's the bus gentile?"

Or, how do you get 50 gentiles in mini? You can't.

Or why has a gentile's showerhead got eleven holes? Cos' they only have ten fingers.

Just not the same, are they?

Anonymous said...

The gentile jokes are the Polack jokes utilized by the jews to castigate their former neighbors in Tsarist Russia.

The Borat film was basically one long Polack joke, except Sasha Baron Cohen chose a Kazakh character instead of a Pole.

Savant, you must read Yury Slezkine's "Jewish Century" or at least read Steve Sailer's review on Amazon. You should also read Sailer's review of Borat.

SAVANT said...

Thanks for the heads up on the Jewish Century. Heard of it but not read it.

I agree with anonymous 23.32 - I think the jokes are at the Jews' expense and think they're quite good.

Anonymous said...

Very funny. Something like 'knock-knock jokes... you start'.
Tell a few of these and then say, 'Any gentiles here? ..just in case, I'll tell the next joke slowly.'

Anonymous said...

Does this count as a Gentile joke?

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

The Jewish jokes are funnier, like this one;

Rabbi Shmuel is leading a bible study group at his shul when all of a sudden, an angel appears. The Angel says to the rabbi, "RabbiShmuel. You are an example to all of your fellow men. You are totally unselfish; your behaviour is faultless; your study of Judaism is extensive; and your charity giving is exemplary. So, in return for being such a mensh, I am going to offer you a choice of reward. You can either have infinite wealth, infinite health, or infinite wisdom. What will it be, Rabbi Shmuel? Whatever you choose will be immediately granted."
Without any hesitation whatsoever, Rabbi Shmuel replies, "I would love to have infinite wisdom."
"Mazeltov to you, Rabbi Shmuel," says the Angel. "It’s done. Enjoy!"
The Angel then disappears as quickly as it had appeared. For a few minutes there was a stunned silence in the study group. No one could believe what had just happened in front of their eyes. Then one of the study group broke the silence.
"Rabbi Shmuel," he asks, "why don’t you test out your new found wisdom right away? Say something really wise to us, rabbi."
Rabbi Shmuel replies, "Oy vay, I should have taken the money."

Anonymous said...

I got kicked out of the local hospital last night...
They shouldn't have signs up saying 'Stroke patients here'

Anonymous said...

Thor and Odin are up in Valhalla and Thor turns to Odin and says, "It's great being a god and everything but I haven't had sex in a millennium." Odin says, "Well, what you need to do is go down to earth and find what they call a lady of the night and treat her." So Thor goes down to earth and the next day returns with a smile from ear to ear.
Odin says, "It was good, then?" "Good?" replies Thor. "It was great! We did it twenty-seven times in one night." Odin is horrified. "Twenty-seven times?!? Mere mortals can't handle that! Go back to earth and apologise," he tells Thor.
So Thor goes back and finds the woman and says, "Sorry about last night, see, I'm Thor..." The woman replies, "YOU'RE Thor? I can't even pith!"

Anonymous said...

There were two Jewish women (Ruth and Golda) walking along the street.
Ruth says to Golda, "My son, Irving, is finally getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but... he thinks she may have a disease called herpes.
Golda, says to Ruth, "Do you have any idea what this herpes is, and can he catch it?"
Ruth answers, "No, but I am just so thrilled to hear about Irving's engagement. It's past time he's settled. As far as the herpes goes...who knows?"
"Well," Golda says, "I have a very fine medical dictionary at home - I'll look it up and call you,"
So, Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth........
"Ruth, I found it. Not to worry! It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles!"

Anonymous said...

Just to be balanced;

A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time. He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an Irish lorry driver pulls over.
"Where they going?" asks the Irish chap.
"Do us a favor mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me" says the driver, "and here's a hundred quid for your troubles."
"Happy days," says the Irish fella, loads the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his way.
The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down the motorway, still with all the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him down again.
"What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester Zoo!"
"I did," says the bemused Irish fella, "but there is still fifty quid left so now we're going to Alton Towers."

Cheeky Boy said...

Yeah i get it,just making a point.

SAVANT said...

Hi JJ. I initially published your jokes as you know my views on PC. However, I think they went over the top and reluctantly deleted them.

Good jokes though!