Monday, 23 March 2009

Happens when you're old


IsraeliEejit said...

LOL!! That's a good one!

I recently heard:

3 rules for the old:

Never pass a toilet without using it.
Never waste an ejection.

Oops, forgot the 3rd!

Anonymous said...

Last one is 'never risk a fart'

IsraeliEejit said...


"Never risk a fart" - yep, that's what I was looking for!

Anonymous said...

Passengers aboard a luxurious cruise ship were having a great time when a beautiful young woman fell overboard. Immediately there was an 80-year-old man in the water who rescued her.
The crew pulled them both out of the treacherous waters. The captain was grateful as well as astonished that the white-haired old man performed such an act of bravery. That night a banquet was given in honour of the ship's elderly hero. He was called forward to receive an award and was asked to say a few words.
He said, "First of all, I'd like to know who pushed me."

Anonymous said...

A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington, IA , to Branson , MO. As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says, "I've just been molested!" The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down. A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies? About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too. The bus driver decides that he'd had enough, and pulls into the first rest area.
When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles. "Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" says the bus driver.
"I lost my toupee............... I thought I found it three times, but every time I try to grab it..., it runs away...!!"

Anonymous said...

A man visits the doctor. The doctor says "I have bad news for you. You have cancer and Alzheimer's disease". The man replies "Well, thank God I don't have cancer!"