Tuesday, 2 December 2008

They walk among us.....


I've long been fascinated by the mind-numbing ignorance you get from participants on quiz shows. Not the ignorance itself, which surrounds us everywhere, rather their ignorance of their ignorance that fascinates.

Who can forget Larry Gogan’s legendary ‘Sixty Second Quiz’ on RTE, where more ignorance was proudly displayed in the eponymous 60 seconds than you’d get in sixty years of normal company. Such entertainment! Sadly I forget almost all of the gems. Just two can I remember ‘what’s Hitler’s first name?’ – ‘Heil’, and ‘what was Vincent van Gogh famous for?’ – ‘captained Holland during the World Cup’.

However, this particular show had no pretensions, nor did the participants. However, many of the following pearls are derived from high-powered contests, white-knuckle time, with substantial money at stake, and where, hard as it will be to believe, the contestants were winnowed out from a huge initial entry.

Enjoy!

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
.
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
.
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: - Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or The Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
.
BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
DJ Mark: What is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
.
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
.
GWR FM (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you
.
LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
.
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific
.
JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er.. .er... Three?
.
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
.
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I remember one that went like this:

Quiz master: Name a famous Fred

Contestant: Fred the flour grader

Jockney

Joe O'Neill said...

Classic

Anonymous said...

How do those morons manage to find their ass when they're taking a crap? Hard to imagine how you could go thru life knowing so little.

Anonymous said...

You'd have to ask are we all fucked when people like that walk among us.

jamhewt

Anonymous said...

Another classic from a Cork 96FM quiz...

Q: How many legs does a spifer have?

A: Eh.....7?

Anonymous said...

I remember a teacher once asking a fellow pupil , what color was napoleons white horse ?

Answer , Brown sir !

Anonymous said...

Funny how stupid the English are judging by these posts. The ironic thing is its the sort of material they use in 'Irish jokes' - shall we invent a new genre - 'English jokes'!

Rusty Mason said...

"BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
DJ Mark: What is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?"

Well ...