Thursday, 20 November 2008

Dr. Bono and Mr. Hyde

Here is the Strange Case of Dr. Bono and Mr. Hyde

Dr. Bono
Dr. Bono is a saintly man. He worries about the poor, especially in Africa. His brow furrows as he contemplates world hunger. He never ceases to call on others, governments, corporations and citizens, to contribute generously to the alleviation of African poverty. He passionately invokes Ireland’s "moral force" in the battle against hunger. Dr. Bono takes laggards gently but firmly to task.

Despite an aversion to self-publicity, he selflessly works himself on to every possible channel to publicise these problems and to exhort others to donate generously. He even forces himself to fraternise with lowlife such as GW Bush and Tony Blair in his selfless attempts to enrol them in curing the world’s ills.

But then, some time between sunset and the dawn, a strange and sinister metamorphosis occurs. In a transition that would do justice to Robert Louis Stevenson’s original masterpiece, a new and horrible figure emerges. This one, dressed in lounge-lizard designer casuals, can be seen prowling a nether world populated by the most notorious of parasites: tax-evasion experts, property developers and lawyers His four-inch platform shoes make him an even more menacing figure.

Mr. Hyde

Here Mr. Hyde, for it is he, with the aid of his co-conspirators, leaves no stone unturned in his efforts to avoid paying his taxes. The same taxes that Dr. Bono selflessly urges to be spent on alleviating Africa’s problems. Lurking in the shadows, this smooth operator ferrets out every opportunity to add to his already enormous wealth. He uses his influence to game the building regulations, and, like Ozymandias, plans ever more grandiose monuments to himself. A master of disguise, Mr. Hyde is seldom identified by the general public. Hence, his dastardly deeds go largely unnoticed.

A truly remarkable tale, worthy indeed of the great RL Stevenson


Anonymous said...

The patron saint of tax dodgers. What a prick.

Anonymous said...

I cracked up at this - best post in a long while!

Steve K.

Anonymous said...

Just how tall is the wee man?


Anonymous said...

"He never ceases to call on others, governments, corporations and citizens, to contribute generously to the alleviation of African poverty"

In Africa's case, because the destitute there simply keep breeding at way Way WAY!!!! too high a rate, we really are throwing money into the ocean by helping them. Until they get their birthrate down to 2.0, we should not give them anything. They are only breeding more poverty.

We should only give them some seeds, and show them some farming techniques, and teach them about replacement birthrates and contraception, and then leave.....................and whatever happens from that point forward be damned. Or better yet, let the Chinese and Indians worry about it, since they are more-or-less recolonializing the continent.

The pygmy black-Asians (they are Asian according to their DNA) living in stone-age conditions on the Adamintine islands were not confronted with colonialism, and they still saunter about bare-assed naked like savages. Since we have heretofore have had no contact with them whatsoever, this is NOT OUR FAULT in the least. In truth, and we all know it, Sub-Saharan Africa would be a stone-age place if it were not for colonialism and modern communications that have availed it to the modern world. If it were left alone, it would find a stable population and it would slowly evolve to a more modern situation on its own over several hundred years. But since we "baby" the place by giving them medicine and food, like all "welfare" recipients, they are dissuaded from developing successful agriculture and institutions of education, law enforcement, and medicine of their own. We could have helped them speed up the process by showing them "how", giving them a written language, some basic hardware to get started, and then leaving. Come back in 100 years and see if any progress has been made.

But we didn't do that. We stayed and became their life-time nanny. The result is that there is infinitely more of them to feed, and increasingly they cannot make it on their own. South Africa is falling into Zimbabwe-like array, and Zimbabwe might be like a starvation-war-zone in another 10 years. The answer is not to let them overwhelm the West via immigration, but for them to fix their own land themselves.

You cannot let someone who is letting his own home fall apart, who wont retain employment and pay his own rent, to come and live with you. He will never leave, and you will just have to pay for him. But what about when he finds a slag and starts having babies? Are you going to feed them all when he and her have five kids? You cannot. You have to let him go to sink or swim for himself. Bono thinks he is helping, but he is really hurting long term.

Anonymous said...

What sums up this mans character was his relentless pursuit of a former employee through the courts to retrieve a hat.
The court costs alone would have housed and fed many people in this country let alone the third world.

Theres a comfort zone of pride and vanity around this man that cant be breached and in character he has no insight into how he presents himself to the world.

SAVANT said...

Jockney, his height, or lack of same, is a closley kept secret. Nobody sees him without the platforms.

My guess is about 5-7.

Anonymous said...

5' 6" Ballymun but 5' 7" Glasnevin or vice versa?

Henry IX said...

Delighted to see Spider Man being a fiasco. Pity that prick isn't up there on the wires with the rest of them.

The Edge said...

One word for this prick - shameless.

Anonymous said...

"The young, broke U2 who managed to get a few gigs in dingy Dublin venues regularly had their shows broken up by a skinhead gang of the time called The Black Catholics. “There was this gang called The Black Catholics in (late 1970s) Dublin,” says Bono. “They would try to break up our gigs. But I dealt with it. I knew which bus stop one of them got off at on his way home. I waited for him. It ended after that, that’s all I’ll say.”

O'Nob tells us a story. How tall was it?

Rastus said...

O'Nob tells us a story. How tall was it?

About as tall as the little prick himself I'd say.

Anonymous said...

"the harshest thing that has happened [in terms of responses to her 2009 book Dead Aid], Bono's and Bob Geldof's organization, called One, who I had tried to have a number of meetings with before the book came out, about what the theses of the book were, launched a very vitriolic attack against me. To the point that they were calling organizations ahead of my meetings and media appointments and sent a letter to African NGO's claiming, basically, painting me as a genocidal maniac trying to kill African babies. In other words, trying to get Africans to be against me. To me, that was not really fostering dialogue."

Words of some African johny. Seriously folks WTF why would some African know about Africa than some pop star form Glasnevin?

What a plank this guy is and Bono has very right to censor him!

Anonymous said...

The reason Bono pulled out of Glastonbury was given on QI.

He had back problems.

From having his head stuck up his arse for the last 20 years!

Anonymous said...

Bono makes the current Max Keiser show where John Coopoer-Clark reads a poem how Bono turned up dressed as a rock star because he represnted we the people then changed into political waer to please the politicians and someone stole his "street cred" clothes!