Friday, 17 October 2008

Stupid prick

I'm deeply annoyed right now, having suffered again from a recurring problem when I take a piss. I grasp my prick in the approved manner and aim at the dead centre of the receptacle. But for some unknown reason, the jet shoots sharply off to the left, sprinkling my left foot. This happens most often during the first piss of the day but is highly unpre'dic'table. The interesting thing is that after a couple of seconds it reverts to the correct trajectory of its own accord.

It sometimes seems as if my prick is, well, taking the piss. And I could understand its pique: only one eye, hair a mess, nearest relative a bollocks, nearest neighbour an asshole.

Still, I need some sound advice. For the record, I'm a cavalier, not a roundhead.

14 comments:

Joe O'Neill said...

I believe that you need to do what most South African men do.....PISS IN THE GARDEN

Rhein said...

"For the record, I'm a cavalier, not a roundhead."

LOL, i don't think it affects anything. Maybe you did something with the missus the night before or in the morning? That could lead to sideway leakage since there might be some left in the 'tube' and...well, you get the picture.

Either that or gonorrhea.

Anonymous said...

What about if you stand on one foot - the right one - with the left one back. That should do the trick.

Anonymous said...

I have that prpblem as well. solution = shake your prick BEFORE you start to piss. Simple.

Anonymous said...

This is not an uncommon problem Savant - I encounter it regularly with my patients. My recommednation is always the same. Ensure foreskin is fully peeled back and that the eye is fully unobstructed. The literature shows a strategically located pubic hair to be the commonest cause if such obstrcution is encountered.

Also ensure that the eye is properly focused. If you follow these simple instructions the problem will disappear.

Yours,

Dr. Wazzel

Anonymous said...

why dont ya sit down when your doing it? simple!!!

Nellie

Anonymous said...

piss out the window

Zngr said...

No, no, you have to stretch your hose to relieve any pressure "clogs" inside the tube, then gently press your scepter of power with your thumb and index finger to open up the "eye" properly.

After doing thus, attempt to release a gentle stream and if problem persists, yank your rogue spear about and press the crown gently again.

I swear that helps, I suffer from this condition on occasion too. It vexes me greatly if I am dead center on the porcelain altar but spray a double stream of golden liquid 90 degrees to the right (or even left) regardless.

Though when at the office, it's only a bonus.

Zngr said...

No, no, you have to stretch your hose to relieve any pressure "clogs" inside the tube, then gently press your scepter of power with your thumb and index finger to open up the "eye" properly.

After doing thus, attempt to release a gentle stream and if problem persists, yank your rogue spear about and press the crown gently again.

I swear that helps, I suffer from this condition on occasion too. It vexes me greatly if I am dead center on the porcelain altar but spray a double stream of golden liquid 90 degrees to the right (or even left) regardless.

Though when at the office, it's only a bonus.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you Savant, but I can't help. I have no prick - I just maried one.

Gillian

Anonymous said...

Like a cough bottle, shake well before use.

Anonymous said...

Savant when was the last time you saw your prick? With a gut like that I suspect you haven't seen it in years!

Dan Dare said...

Maybe you've outlived your prick too.

SAVANT said...

In this tough selfish uncaring world I'm overwhelmed by the outpouring of help from the readers of this blog. Thanks to all of you for helping with this sensitive and delicate issue.

But not Dan Dare - may your spaceship crash on Pluto.

And Joe O'Neill, in all honestly, what use is pissing outside? Just means I'll piss on my shoe outside. Not helpful at all. Must try harder.