Sunday, 13 January 2008

Welcome to our new neighbour

The neighbours of Jane Felix-Brownes look likely to welcome a new citizen into their midst shortly. He is Omar Bin Laden, whose daddy is the one and only Osama. Omar plans to move into a £550,000 house in the swanky neighbourhood of Moulton in Cheshire, with Jane, his new wife, ‘once formalities have been cleared’.

The story of Jane and Omar is touching. They apparently fell in love after a “whirlwind romance” and now can't bear to be apart, not for a minute. Even more gladdening, the traditional Arab obsession with virginity has been waved away in this instance as a mere trifle in the face of true love. You see, Jane, who is 52 (Omar is 26) has been married no fewer than six times and is a grandmother. So we can safely assume the oul’ hymen is well and truly blowin’ in the wind at this stage.

Even more gratifying is Omar’s latest career move. Having admitted to receiving terrorist training at daddy’s academy in Afghanistan, he has recently had a spectacular epiphany, and now is employed as a ‘peace activist’. Happens all the time, I suppose.

So will the happy couple (pictured above) manage to live out their finest years in the leafy suburbs of Moulten? The omens are good. Jane shares with us: "The embassy staff are all very friendly and they are doing all the checks. We have been told there will not be a problem as long as we can provide the original documents from his divorce from his first wife. And that should be done in a week."

Well, they left in one of Idi Amin’s countless offspring (see this), so why not Omar?
But.... just as I finished writing this, a nasty thought entered my mind. I know it’s horrible, given that true romance is such a scarce commodity these days. But, like, he’s a strict Muslim (and a qualified terrorist), yet he divorces his Muslim wife and marries a kuffir multiple divorcee, who’s exactly twice his age? I just wonder, maybe, could this be a set up? No, never.


Michigander said...

I'd like to know the names of the other five men Jane has married. Could they possibly also be of Middle Eastern origin?

Skotgerman said...

I am sure Osama is very dissapointed in his son, but, its not like he has been an involved parent.

SAVANT said...

Well, it depends. Obvioulsy if he's a genuine 'peace activist' he's badly let down the family. But what if he's a sleeper terrorist?

Anonymous said...

He'll get in, and then disappear into the underworld when suitable. How can anyone fall for this crock of shit? But they will.

rob said...

Whatever happened to romance? It's a sad day when a fundamentalist Arab can't marry a five-times-divorced Englishwoman without people questioning his motives.

SAVANT said...

I suppose....maybe I'm just old and cynical.

rob said...

You're a cynic all right, Savant. The tears should be rolling down your face at this tender love story.
Is it the fact that she's exactly twice his age that hardens your heart? ;-)

SAVANT said...

Well, having suffered in love throughout my life, you could be right.

But I'm bitter too. Like, if 52 year-olds are getting guys half their age, where does that leave me, even with my manifold physical and intellectual attributes?