Sunday, 26 August 2007

Church defends revenue base

Ireland’s Primate (I thought a primate was a large ape?) Archbishop Sean Brady is not happy, as he sees the New Ireland erode his revenue base. Fighting for market share, he derides horoscopes, tarot cards, astrology, palm reading as the ‘new Irish superstitions’.

Presumably to distinguish them from the old Irish superstitions, like Sean’s brand. In the old superstition we believed that a man was born without a human father, that this man went on to raise the dead, walk on water, turn water into wine, rose from the dead himself, and then ascended bodily into heaven to meet his Godly father – er, who also happens to be himself. I can understand why this makes perfect sense to you, Sean.

And apparently, numerous public opinion polls to the contrary, we’re not really happy. We just think we are, like. What we need to make us happy is to have the Church back in control, raping children and fleecing an ignorant populace.

Well Sean, old hand, I got bad news for you. As Ireland’s educational levels continue to soar, your revenue base will continue to decline. Because, like a vampire recoils before the dawn, religion recoils before knowledge and reason.

You’re doomed – my tarot reader told me.

(See also Savant's interview with Cardinal Connell here. )


Jun said...

I thought a primate was a large ape?

Primates = monkeys + apes.

An ape is just a tailless primate (monkeys are primates with tails), so humans are both a type of ape and a type of primate -- Archbishop Brady, included. ;-)

SAVANT said...

Thank you Jun for that!

Anonymous said...

"As Ireland's educational levels continue to soar..."
That's news to me, Savant.

SAVANT said...

Fair point Rob. I know we're still crap, but the fact is the numbers gaining 3rd level qulaifications has almost doubled in the last 20 years, and we dont any more spend half our time learning religious mumbo jumbo, plus Irish and Latin, by rote

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately people now learn PC mumbo jumbo by rote.