Wednesday, 4 July 2007

Great news!

As the unfortunate Yorkshiremen see the water rise up to their balls they may well ask ‘why me, Lord, why me?’ Well, now they know. No less a personage than the Rt Rev Graham Dow, Bishop of Carlisle, has explained it all for them. (By the way, what’s a ‘Right’ Reverend? Is there such a thing as a ‘Wrong’ Reverend? – perish the thought) for us all.

Apparently God, taking a break from His conversation with George Bush, has had a chat with the Right Reverend and explained that the flooding was due to the victims’ immoral lifestyles. So it seems he – sorry, He – no longer communicates with us via Prophets and Mysterious Ways. He now uses the Meteorological Office - and of course the Right Reverend.

But Mr. Angry makes an excellent point, of deep philosophical and theological significance. He says “my younger brother is in Ayia Napa at the moment, and I hear it is non-stop drug taking, clubbing and shagging out there. Yet the sun shines for almost twenty hours of every day. This tells me, quite conclusively, that God really loves his pills, drum and bass, and loose women. I am grateful for this guidance, because I would not have known how to live my life from this point forwards if it were not for the Reverend Graham Dow and his weather-referenced preaching."

He goes on "I am delighted this man of the cloth has shown me the error of my ways. I feel like I have been given a second chance, and I plan to make the most of it. Trust me, this weekend I am going to go clubbing every night and take copious amounts of pills until they rattle around inside me like I am a big old drug-addled set of dancing maracas. Then I will pull whatever drunken strumpet I can get my hands on. "

Isn't this truly wonderful news? What we always thought of as an immoral lifestyle is OK with the Man Upstairs and a guarantee of good weather. Thanks Rev.

1 comment:

Beelzebub said...

Yes, dead right! Keep going!